Sinister Plans Are Better When Shared With Others

I'm back, finally.  Before I begin, I just want to apologize for being away for so long.  Let me try and explain.  You see, I'm currently a senior in college, and I've been incredibly busy lately.  I go to school Tuesdays and Thursdays all day, I have clinicals Monday/Wednesday/Friday, and I tutor in the evenings, so I've had barely any spare time for this blog.  However, I plan to post more promptly, so let's dive back into Salem.


Last Time:  Adam rescued four classmates from a mysterious fire, Jordan complained about Adam's inability to use his supposed Herculean strength to rescue Morgan (who was actually already dead) when she should have been investing in sort of chain mail to protect herself from the various rocks thrown at her, Sarah and Michael did nothing worth mentioning (unsurprisingly), and Mara was horribly murdered.  The killer then called our protagonists and lured them to Mara's home, and instead of calling the police, they just destroyed the house.

Chapter Six

May 7

9:45 AM

Leslie walked to Sarah between classes.  She was sitting in their usual spot, but she was alone.  “Sarah, we need to talk.”  She sat down beside her.  She immediately got to the point.  (I'm glad you got straight to the point, Leslie)  “I want you to tell me all about that spell.”  

Okay guys, I know Mara a horrible, mean person, but I'd like to think that you'd show a little more compassion.  Also, are none of you coming under suspicion for Mara's murder?  After all, it's not like you just happened upon her body; you also destroyed her house.

Sarah closed her eyes and sighed.  “Okay, I’ll tell you, but your gonna be shocked.”  Sarah seemed worried.  (I guess we are to assume that Sarah's a witch.  What I want to know is why Leslie had to seek her out to find out what the spell was if it was so important for her to know.  Should Sarah have told her right away?)  “That spell is very old.  So old, and so rare, that only a few witches really understood it, only a few could really cast it. And,” she started, but stopped.  The worried look in her eyes changed to a look of fear, of pure terror.  (Should we be suspicious that Sarah knows what the spell is despite the fact that it's so old?)

“What? What’s wrong?” asked Leslie. 

“You don’t understand, Leslie.  All the witches who knew how to cast it are dead.”

So I'm simultaneously suspicious and not suspicious of Sarah now.  On the one hand, I wonder why she knows about the spells.  On the other, she doesn't actually seem to know very much about it.  Now that can be attributable to one of two things:  either she's hiding something, or she doesn't actually know what the hell she's talking about.  Or I guess it could be poor writing on my part.  We all know that's a possibility.

Michael walked into the locker room after school.  He changed into his swimsuit and was ready to swim.  (Imagine that.  After changing into his swimsuit, he's ready to swim.  I thought he'd be ready to go jogging or destroy another house.)  He walked into the pool area, and noticed it was completely dark. Michael went for the light, but it didn’t work.  (Seriously, is there something in the water in this town.  Two of your friends have just been murdered, one of whom's house was destroyed when you touched a simple symbol.  Why are you swimming alone?)  Suddenly, the pool lights went on, but that was it.  He could barely see anything except the pool, a chair, and a shadow coming towards him.  A shadow of a person.  (Wait, so you can't see anything in the room, but there's somehow enough light for you to see a shadow, yet not the cause of the shadow.  Is this some sort of supernatural shadow.  Does Michael know what a shadow is?)  Michael looked up at the figure coming toward him, and saw her.  ("Looked up?"  Is this girl taller than Michael?  Is she flying?  Unsurprisingly, these issues are never clarified.  Also unsurprising:  how little of a fight Michael puts up.)  The next thing he saw was a baseball bat, and it was coming right at him. 

Tatum got off the phone with Becca.  She had just got done telling her what Sarah had said, and now the whole group knew except for Michael.  (See, proof of Michael's uselessness:  even his own friends call him about important, potentially life-threatening issues last.)  She called his house, letting it ring for a minute.  It rang 3 times.  7 times. 10, 11, 12 times, and still no answer.  (I guess Michael doesn't have an answering machine.)  Michael always went for a swim after school, and then came straight home.  He should have been home by now.  Tatum hung up the phone, wondering where he was.  (Do you really have to wonder?  Obviously, he's about to join Morgan and Mara.  I'd be pretty worried if my name started with M and I lived in this town right about now.)  She couldn’t worry about it for too long, because Becca, Dede, Sarah, and Jordan were coming over for a meeting.  (Oh, I'm glad Tatum doesn't care in the slightest that Michael is missing during a time when two of her friends have just recently been murdered.)

Michael opened his eyes.  He was lying on the floor in the poolroom, and the intruder was gone.  He was tied up, and all he could see was the pool.  (I guess there are no prominent shadows lurking around.)  He then heard a door open from the locker room.  The woman walked up too him.  “Good, you’re awake,” she said in an unrecognizable voice.  (Why do you care that he's awake?  Also, why are you keeping Michael alive?  I know it's not because he's worth anything to his friends.)  

“Why are you doing this?” asked Michael. “Why did you kill Morgan and Mara?” he asked.  (If this were a normal story, I'd say it would be pretty useless to ask the villain her motives.  However, this is a story I wrote, so I'm guess she's going to sing like a canary.)  

The woman just looked at him.  “Okay, I’ll tell you since you’re about to die anyways,” she said.  (See what I mean?)  “I’m am a witch who was killed long ago during the Salem Witch Hunt. I hadn’t done anything to the people of my town, but I was still killed.  Before I died, I chanted a spell so I could come back.  It worked, and I took a new name and identity.” The woman laughed.  “Now, I’ll have my revenge! I’ll kill you all.  You know, some people were tied up and thrown in water to see if the would use magic to escape. Most of them weren’t witches, but that won’t stop me from performing the test on you,” she said. 

Alright, witch woman, if you really wanted revenge on your killers, why are you just now coming back to slaughter a bunch of useless teenagers?  It's not like anyone will miss them, nor are they responsible for your death.  If you really wanted revenge, why didn't you come back right after your death?  Actually, why didn't you just wipe all the villagers out with a mass kill spell.  If you can come back from the dead, then you must be packing a lot of power.

“Who are you?” asked Michael. 

“My name now is-“ she was interrupted. 

Tatum burst into the room.  (I bet you wish you hadn't been so forthcoming with info now, don't you witch?)  “I heard all you said,” she said.  (Oh, come on, Tatum!  If you were listening to all that said, why didn't you wait another half second to hear the witch's current alias?  Oh, that's right, you didn't want to make this investigation too easy on yourself.)

“Oh yeah, well you’re too late,” said the woman.  She pushed Michael into the water, and Tatum dived in after him.  (This scene is ripped from Swimfan.)  She was about to hit the water when the woman performed a spell.  Strong power shot from her fingertips and surrounded Tatum.  She was suddenly moving very slowly, and she saw the pool disappear.  Ground replaced it, and Tatum landed on her stomach.  She looked around and stood up.  It was morning, and there was a small village in the distance.  Tatum walked into the village and suddenly noticed something odd about her clothing.  It was the same clothes she had been wearing, but everyone else in the village was dressed in olden day clothes.  (So the fact that you're not wearing the same clothes as everyone else is what tipped you off that something weird is going on, Tatum?  As opposed to the fact that you tried to dive into a pool and were instead transferred to another place, I mean?) They stared at her strangely, and she stared back.  She saw a large crowd standing around a fire.  She walked to it and saw something terrible.  Someone was in that fire.  This was a witch burning, and Tatum was in Salem during the Salem witch hunt.  I think this is sort of a rash assumption, given that witch burnings happened in more than just Salem.  Still, I guess where this witch burning took place really isn't relevant.)

So if the witch had the power to travel through time, why didn't she just travel back herself and kill everyone?  And why exactly is she trying to accomplish by sending Tatum there?  

Chapter Seven

May 7

? PM

See what I mean about time having no meaning?  I don't know about you, but I was under the impression that time still existed in the past.  Look how much we've learned from this story already!

Tatum tried to see the face of the girl in the fire, but the flames rose in front of her face.  See, how does this benefit the witch?  Why does she want Tatum to know more about her plan?  And look how close Tatum came to see who was in the fire.  We find out later who this actually is, but if Tatum had found out now, this story would be a lot shorter.)  Tatum looked over at the end of the crowd and saw a woman crying.  Probably was the girl’s mother.  The girl then chanted some words, and the clouds darkened.  Tatum could feel the evil of it all and shuddered as everything went black.  She was suddenly in a new place, but it seemed like she was still in the same village.  She was in front of a gallows, but no crowd was around it.  All she saw was a few groups of people and two bodies hang from nooses.  Two men in conversation walked by her, and she caught a bit of the dialogue.  “….that young girl that was in the middle must’ve been a real witch. Did you hear the evil in her voice as she chanted that spell?” said one man.  (It's nice to know that these hanger people didn't actually believe the other hung people were witches, yet they still complied.)  “Yeah, I thought so too. You know, that was the same spell that the girl from the other day chanted. You know that girl…..”  They walked out of earshot.  Tatum looked at the empty spot in the middle of the gallows, wondering what that girl had looked like.  Suddenly she was back at the fire, then back at the gallows, then back at the fire.  (I really don't understand why the witch is trying to help Tatum.  I mean, even she's going to be able to determine that these events are related.  She's not that much of an idiot.)  Tatum knew these events were connected somehow, and she knew that one of these two girls had come back.  (See what I mean?)

Tatum stood in the village long after she the fire had burnt out, and then felt something in her stomach.  It was incredible pain, so incredible that she passed out.  When she opened her eyes, everyone was gone, and she was back in the pool area.  (Apparently the trip back through time isn't as pleasant as the original voyage.)  She looked in the pool and saw Michael’s body.  Tatum ran form the pool area.  (Because there's nothing more suspicious than leaving a crime scene.)  She ran all the way home, because she knew that the person behind all this was probably someone she already knew.  (You'd know exactly who this person was if you'd waited another second to hear her say her name, you freaking idiot.)

Adam sat in his seat in the living room, waiting for his sister and Michael to arrive.  Jordan had just entered, though she was supposed to come with Michael.  (There's no mention of whether or not Jordan is wearing any sort of protection.  I'd at least wear a helmet if I were her...who knows when a rock will come flying out of nowhere?)  He was sitting there quietly when Tatum burst into the room.  “Who was the last one here?” she shouted. 

“What are you talking about?” asked Leslie. 

“Who was the last one here!” Tatum shouted. 

Everyone was quiet.  (Probably because none of them want to incur Tatum's unrelenting rage.)  “It was Jordan,” said Becca.  (Sell-out)

Tatum ran over to her and held her throat.  “It’s you. You killed Michael and Morgan and Mara. You sent me back in time. You did everything!”  (Okay, you're gonna need to calm down, Tatum.  You're starting to look a little bit insane.)

Jordan coughed, then said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  Tatum looked around the room. 

Everyone was shocked at what they were hearing.  “What are you doing!” said Dede. 

“I tell you the whole story,’ said Tatum, and begin to explain all she had learned at the pool house and in the past.  (Is she still holding Jordan by the neck?)  “And Jordan was the last one in the room, so she had to have been the one that killed Michael.”  (And no one can argue with that logic.)

“That’s ridiculous,” said Sarah. 

“Yeah, we all got here at about the same time,” said Becca.  (Or maybe they can.)

Tatum let go of Jordan’s neck.  “Sorry,” she said.  “I guess they’re right.”  (Wow, Tatum's easily convinced.  I bet the witch could fly up right now and convince Tatum that she herself is the witch.  She'll be killing her friends any second now.  Speaking friend homicide, is Jordan still alive?  How long did Tatum strangle her before she decided she was innocent?)

Jordan rubbed her neck.  “That’s alright,” she said. 

After everyone had calmed down, Adam spoke up.  “Well, I think anyone of us could be the next target.  We just don’t know who’s next.”

And so we've reached the end of another installment.  Michael died, but I doubt any of his friends even remember he existed since I'm pretty sure he said a whole three words during his tenure in the story.  All in all, the witch is proving to be just as much of idiot as the others in the story.  It's almost like she wants to get caught.  Still these idiots are going to need a lot more help if they want to catch her.

Next time:  Someone breaks the number one rule of scary stories (asking "Who's there?"), we'll learn a new age form of communication, the witch reveals even more information, Jordan is hit by more than just a rock, and Leslie chooses the worst possible time to have a conversation.

The Definition of Karma

            I’m back!  Sorry it’s been so long; I’ve been exceedingly busy.  First, I had finals at school, then I something…well, not good happened, and then I had Christmas events (I had four different Christmases on four successive days).  Anyways, I’m back now.

Last time:  A mysterious assailants began stalking the residents of Salem, Massachusetts, killing poor Morgan, whose supposed friends didn’t care that she was missing a whole lot (or at all if we’re talking about Mara).  Also, we met Jordan, whose timely arrival at the school is not at all suspicious.

Chapter Three

May 6

8:56 AM

Tatum opened her history book as she prepared for class.  She saw Leslie come in with a girl that Tatum didn’t recognize.  She was about to go ask her when the bell rang.  It would have to wait.  “Okay class,” said Mr. Thompson, the history teacher. “Open your books to page 330.”  He looked around the room, he noticed Jordan.  “Okay class, before we get started, we have a new student. Her name is Jordan Malcolm. Miss Malcolm, why don’t you tell us about yourself.”  (This rarely actually happened when I was in school…I guess my teachers were more sympathetic to new students than Mr. Thompson is.) 

Jordan stood up and started to speak.  She looked extremely nervous.  “Well, I’m Jordan Malcolm.  I used to live in…..” she hesitated.  “I used to live in Pittsburgh.”  (I don’t know why I chose Pittsburgh.)  She was about to sit down when Tatum’s friend Michael asked her something.  “So why did you move here now?” he asked.  (Man, this little introduction speech just keeps getting worse.  Now people are asking questions.  I feel for you, Jordan.)

Jordan hesitated again, and then finally spoke. “Well, uh.. my family they, uh, decided to….” She was cut off.  (This is supposed to indicate that Jordan is uncomfortable discussing her past, but it really just seems like she’s embarrassed by the situation her insensitive teacher and fellow students have put her in.  Or that I was incredibly bad at foreshadowing…I’m choosing to believe the former.)  Suddenly the fire alarm went off and everyone scrambled to get to the door.  Tatum got a glimpse of Jordan before she was hurried out of the room.  She stood at her desk and sighed in relief.  Jordan was defiantly hiding something, Tatum decided, and she was going to find out what it was.  (I don’t know why people in my stories are always so suspicious.  Maybe Jordan is just glad the complete awkwardness she was just forced endure is over?  I would be.  Still, Faith and her friends from “The Babysitter” would never have noticed anything was strange, except maybe Lily, so I guess Tatum is a slight improvement in the intellect department.)

Adam opened his eyes.  He was in his classroom, and smoke filled the room.  He looked to his right, and saw his lab partner and friend, Dede, lying on the ground.  Some people were still in the room, unconscious, but for the most part everyone was gone.  (Why are people unconscious?  What started the fire?  Apparently I felt these details were unnecessary to explain, probably because there is no logical explanation, which is unsurprising.) 

Adam looked for the source of the fire, and saw it by the door.  (If it’s by the door, why are people all around the room unconscious?  Was there an explosion?)  It was large, and there was no way to get out of the room through the door.  He knew this room led into the regular science room, and there was a way out that way.  Adam grabbed Dede’s hands and pulled her into the next room.  (Wow, Adam’s sort of impressing me.  Who’d have thought that I’d write a character who was actually likeable?  Though there is still time to ruin Adam.) 

He got to the door and pulled on it.  It was locked.  The door was locked, yet there had been students in that classroom earlier.  The door should have been unlocked.  He left Dede by the door and went to get his remaining three classmates. 

This make so sense.  There is no apparent way out of the room, so Adam decides to drag his remaining unconscious classmates to a locked door.  And another thing is bothering me about this whole fire storyline:  where did all the other students/teachers go when the fire started and knocked some of the students out?  Why is Adam the only one in the room who’s not unconscious, and why are there only a handful of students still in the room?  The teachers of this school should be fired.

He walked into the lab and saw that the twins Mia and Mya were lying on the floor.  They were light, and they barley weighed 200 pounds combined.  He drug them into the next room easily (at the same time?  I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t classify dragging 200 pounds across the room as “easy.”), and went back for his remaining classmate.  It was George Adams, who weighed 230 pounds.  He tried to drag him into the next room, but it was hard.  (First of all, I’m sorry if this offends anyone.  I had no concept of weight or anything like that back then.  Also, how is 230 pounds hard to drag across a room while 200 pounds is easy?  That doesn’t make sense either.)

By the time the rest of the class was in the regular science room, the fire had spread across the room.  Adam closed the door, which kept some of the smoke out of the room.  Adam was extremely tired, but he knew he had to continue.  He went to open the windows, but they were the kind that didn’t open since his school was air-conditioned.  (Okay, now this is just a hazard.  There’s no way a school would have non-opening windows for this very [unlikely] reason.  What if there’s a fire and someone locks a bunch of students inside?) 

Adam grabbed a book and threw it at the window.  It shattered instantly, and Adam began to drag Dede to the window.  He picked her up as best as he could and lowered her out the window.  Next he got the twins, one at a time, and pushed them out the window.  He still had to get George out the window. (Maybe you shouldn’t have wasted your energy dragging him to the locked door on the other side of the room, Adam.)  Try as he might, there was no way Adam was going to get George out the window by himself. (Admittedly, it would be pretty hard to get an unconscious person through a window, unless it was a small child or something).  He would have to wait for help.

He didn’t have to wait long.  Dede opened her eyes, dazed and confused. (This is not a reference to the movie…I had never heard of it when I wrote this.)  She stood up and saw Adam in the room.  (This is way too convenient.  I hate plot contrivances like this, yet my stories are full of them).  “Adam!” she said.  Adam looked around at her.  “Dede! Help me get George!” he said, pointing to his body.  Together, they were able to get George out of the classroom just as it collapsed.

Okay, so despite the some ridiculous choices, I am kind of impressed with Adam, who deserves some sort of cool reward.  Maybe this story will have more likeable characters, though they do seem to possess the same stupidity gene as the characters of “The Babysitter,” albeit to a lesser degree.  Still, there might be hope for them yet.

Chapter Four

May 6

8:01 PM

Becca took her hot chocolate into the living room and turned on the news.  “And now for the Breaking news,” said Zelda van Gutters, the anchorwoman.  (Oh man.  I cannot believe the name I chose for the news anchor.  I’m pretty sure it was the name of a dog in the Nickelodeon magazine I used to get as a child, and I’m choosing to believe that it was.)  “A fire at Winslow High School (Yes, this is the name of the school in Scream.) resulted in one death today, that of Morgan Ross, though there is some speculation about her death.  Morgan was a sophomore at Winslow; the fire was in a ninth grade classroom.  ‘Morgan wasn’t there,’ says Adam Wilson, who rescued four classmates from the fire (after the incompetent teachers of the school left the 14 year old alone with four unconscious classmates.”) 

Becca sat up in her chair.  Wow, she thought.  Adam was a hero.  (Again, he wouldn’t have had to risk his life to save his classmates if not for the teachers’ complete disregard for their students.)  She was also shocked to hear of Morgan’s death and was eager to hear more about it.  (Man, first Mara and now Becca.  These people are way too interested/excited in their classmate’s death.  They’re insensitive jerks.)  The news story went on.  “Morgan was also reported missing this morning, and no one at Winslow reports seeing her before or after the fire.  And fireman are still not able to pinpoint the source of the fire,” said Zelda. 

Now wait just a second!  First of all, I think that the firemen would be able to pinpoint the source of the fire.  Second, there’s still no explanation about why the students were unconscious.  It seems like there might have been an explosion, but “Zelda” isn’t reporting that.  Thirdly, I’m sort of unsure whether or not Morgan being there would be suspicious.  I mean, maybe she was trying to rescue the students in the room after she saw the teachers fleeing the scene.  And don’t you have to wait 24 hours to report a person missing?  On the other hand, I think the coroner would be able to determine that Morgan was already dead when the fire started.  This story is already becoming senseless.

Becca was shocked.  She had to call Leslie and see how she was.  She picked up the phone, and dialed the number.

Mara turned off the TV.  Morgan was dead.  Wow, was this a juicy piece of information.  (Oh man, Mara, you make Lauren of “The Babysitter” look like a saint.  You, my friend, are a huge jerk.)  She didn’t even feel bad, since she never liked Morgan in the first place.  (Okay, but I would still feel bad even if Morgan had been my worst enemy.  You’re pretty heartless, Mara.) She didn’t really like any of her “friends.”  They were just the people that would get her in the right place to rise to another level of popularity.  (She reminds me of a gold-digging trophy wife here.  Actually, that’s probably her life goal.)  She was about to call Leslie when she remembered that they were mad at each other, which really didn’t bother her, since she didn’t like any of them in the first place.  (Alright, I’m about to kill Mara myself.) 

Mara decided to head upstairs for a shower.  She walked up the stairs and headed into the bathroom.  She turned the water on, but suddenly heard something in her room.  (I used this tactic a lot…I’d have the character turn on the shower and then leave the room, and then something bad happens to them.  Anyone remember River’s big scene in “The Babysitter?”) 

Mara went into her room and flipped the light switch on.  Nothing happened.  She flipped it again.  Still nothing.  Mara heard someone moving, and suddenly all the lights in the house went off.  (Wait a minute…if the stalker was just going to kill the lights in the entire house, why cut the lights in Mara’s room first?)  Mara suddenly felt a pain in her side, like a needle was sticking inside her.  She felt the pain again, this time it was in her back.  (YEAH!  KILL HER, STALKING PERSON!  Okay, if this was real then I wouldn’t be so casual about someone being in pain, but this is a story, and Mara is getting pretty annoying.)  Then in her arm, her neck, her leg.  What was happening?  Suddenly, she couldn’t see.  She was blind.  (This is actually kind of an intriguing scene in my opinion, at least compared to other “death scenes” in my stories.  Why can’t Mara see?) 

Mara stumbled to the bathroom and tried to find the glass door.  (Whenever I mention that the shower door is glass, you can expect that the doors will be broken.)  She would hide in there.  Mara felt for it, but tripped over something.  She then felt some force lifting her into the air.  It was controlling her.  It threw her into the shower door, shattering the glass.  (See what I mean?  I was so predictable.)

Mara hit the wall.  She slumped to the ground.  Suddenly she could see again, and the lights came back on.  (Okay, so maybe the lights were turned off using supernatural means.  I just assumed the killer turned them off using the circuit box or whatever…I’m not really familiar with electrical equipment.)  She saw someone unwrapping a cloth from around the eyes of a doll.  Needles stuck out of it.  It was a voodoo doll.  (Okay, so a voodoo doll’s not the most original concept, but I still actually kind of like this scene.) She looked up and saw the woman controlling her.  Mara gasped as the intruder grabbed her head.  She couldn’t believe it.  The intruder was-SNAP!  (This would actually be rather frightening if it happened in real life.  Unfortunately, I don’t think it translates well to paper.) The woman broke Mara’s neck.

Okay, so the writing could be better and things aren’t always explained very well, but I actually kind of like this scene.  If I were going to rewrite this story, which I currently have no plans to do, I probably wouldn’t change a whole lot about the basic premise of this scene.

As for Mara, I remember hoping people would feel sympathetic for her, but alas, I don’t.  On the contrary, I’m glad we don’t have to hear about how she doesn’t really like any of her friends anymore and will be spared her incessant lack of respect for her deceased classmate Morgan.  If she’d known that she would soon be joining her, I doubt Mara would have been so cavalier about Morgan’s death.  Serves her right.

Chapter Five

May 6

8:02 PM

            Leslie was talking to Jordan.  “Yeah, I can’t believe Morgan is dead,” said Leslie.  (You sound really distraught, Leslie.) 

“I know, too bad that Adam kid couldn’t have saved her too.  He saved everyone else in the room though,” said Jordan.  (Wow.  Instead of a reward, Adam’s got people complaining that he’s isn’t, in fact, endowed with superpowers and could only save four people and not five.  These people are ungrateful jerks.) 

“That Adam kid is my brother,” said Leslie. 

“Wow, that’s really cool,” said Jordan.  (Yeah, whatever Jordan.  I know you’re just trying to counter your previous comment.  Luckily, Leslie isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer and doesn’t notice.) 

“Hey Jordan, why did you get so tense today when you were introducing yourself.  You also got really nervous when I told you we were learning about the Salem Witch Hunt. Why was that?” asked Leslie.  (I just remembered what Jordan’s hiding…it took me this long to remember the a plot point of a story I wrote.  What does that tell you about this story?  It’s not very memorable, that’s what.  Also, I feel bad for Jordan and the constant stream of awkward conversations she’s being forced to endure.  Maybe Adam can come and save you from this interview Leslie’s giving…unless he’s, you know, busy saving four other people instead.)   

“Well, I can’t answer the first question, but I can answer the second,” said Jordan.  (Way to be inconspicuous, Jordan.  You’re not hiding anything at all.)  “Someone I’m, uh, related to was burned at the stake during that time.”  (Her stammering was supposed to indicate that she was hiding something about the second question, as well.  It’s not very effective.  Also, if this is true, Jordan needs to get over it.  No one she has ever met was even alive during the Salem Witch Hunt!  Why does it bother you so much!) 

“Oh how terrible!” exclaimed Leslie.  “Who was it?” she asked.  No answer.  “Jordan?”  Still no answer.  (This isn’t really clear, since I never even established that Leslie and Jordan were talking on the phone and not in person, but Jordan isn’t just being quiet; the call was interrupted.)  Leslie hung up and was about to call her back when the phone rang.  “Jordan?” asked Leslie. 

“Not Jordan,” said the voice.  (Why do the supernatural entities in my stories feel the need to call the protagonists?  At least this person didn’t reveal his/her entire plan – unlike the demon in “The Babysitter.”  Well, at least not yet, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it eventually happens.)

“Who is this?” asked Leslie.  “Come,” is all the voice said.  “Where?” asked Leslie.  “You know where. And bring you brother and sister.”  The person hung up. Leslie checked her caller ID.  The call had come from Mara’s house.  (This is actually kind of creepy, though if I were Leslie I would probably suspect that the caller was, in fact, Mara.  We readers, however, know that Mara is dead, which was supposed to make this situation disconcerting.)

Tatum was walking with Adam and Leslie.  They were on their way to Mara’s house.  (If they really think Mara is in trouble, why didn’t they call the police?  Their friend just died under mysterious circumstances, and there was just a massive, unconsciousness-inducing fire at the school.  Something might be going on, you idiots.  Sigh…why didn’t I ever write smarter characters?)  They didn’t know why someone had called them but it didn’t sound good.  Something was wrong.  “Are you sure that it wasn’t Mara,” asked Adam. 

“Yes,” said Leslie.  (Well, I’m glad Leslie doesn’t need to explain this.  I, for one, want to know what the mysterious caller sounded like.  Sadly, we’ll never know.) 

Tatum listened to the rustling of the leaves, but there was no wind.  How could the leaves be rustling with no wind.  (Uh oh…something spooky’s going on!  There’s no wind!  Better watch out!)  “Stop,” Tatum whispered.  They all stopped.  “Listen, do you guys here that?” she asked.  The rustling was coming from the left.  It was also coming closer.  (Oh, this is actually kind of unsettling.  The leaves are moving because someone is coming toward them.  Well, we know it’s not the police since apparently none of these characters are aware that such people exist.  Who could it be?)

Tatum shivered as it came to them.  She picked up a rock as the figure came into view.  She was about to hurl the rock when Adam screamed “NO!”  Tatum stopped and saw Dede.  (Something about this scene just makes me cringe.  It’s way over the top.  I don’t think anyone would actually react this way, though this is a story about supposedly supernatural events involving witches, so I guess realism really shouldn’t be a consideration.)

“You scared the crap out of me!” Tatum told her. 

“Sorry,” said Dede.  Suddenly they heard rustling from the right.  Tatum clutched her rock as someone else emerged from the bushes.  Tatum hurled her rock right at………..Jordan.  She fell to the ground as the rock hit her.  (Holy crap, how big was this rock?  Was it a boulder or something, or does Jordan just have the worst balance of anyone in the world?)  Someone hurried to help her up, and Tatum recognized her friend Michael.  (Wait, who’s this Michael person?  Have I mentioned him yet?  If I have, he apparently wasn’t very memorable.  That doesn’t bode well for his character.) 

“Why did you do that?” he asked. 

“Sorry,” said Tatum.  (“Yeah, sorry I nearly killed you with a giant boulder, unless I actually threw a small rock and you just have terrible balance.  Then it’s all your fault.”)

“Yeah, we thought you were someone else,” said Adam.  (Though Adam doesn’t say whom they were expecting.  Again, if they’re really this scared, why didn’t they call the police?)

“Why are you all here?” asked Jordan. 

“I was headed to Mara’s house with my sister, Becca, when we got separated,” said Dede.  (If they all know each other, shouldn’t they all know that Becca and Dede are sisters?  Why did Dede feel the need to clarify this?) 

“We were going there too,” said Jordan.  (Who’s “we?”  Was she traveling with Michael?  If so, how do they know each other?) 

“So were we!” said Leslie. 

“Did someone call you and tell you to come?” asked Tatum.  Everyone nodded and said yes. 

“Wow, this is weird,” said Michael.  (Yeah, just a little odd, but not at all something you should call the police about.  These people are morons.  Maybe this story takes place in the same town as that “The Babysitter” occurred in?  That would explain a lot about.)

“Well, were almost there,” said Leslie.  She was right.  Mara’s huge house was visible in the distance.  They all finally emerged from the woods behind her house when someone hurled a rock at Jordan.  (Another familiar plot device.  Everyone lives near the woods, and the only way to get anywhere on foot is by running through said woods.)  Once again she fell to the ground. 

“Ouch!” she said, holding her shoulder where she had been hit.  Tatum looked at who had hit her.  It was Becca and Sarah.  (Oh man, I actually laughed reading this.  Forget the killer, Jordan’s friends are the real threat.  She’ll be lucky to survive the chapter.) 

“Sorry,” said Becca. 

“Yeah,” said Sarah, “we thought you were someone else.”  (Who are you?  Have I mentioned you?  Again, if I have, I’m thinking that you and Michael are both doomed.)

“What are you guys doing here?” asked Tatum. 

            “Someone called us and invited us to come,” said Becca.  They walked to Mara’s back door and knocked.  There was no answer.  Tatum opened the door and walked in.  (Is it just me, or does it seem like it took them FOREVER to get to Mara’s house?  Come on already!)

“Mara,” called Sarah.  There was no answer. 

“Let’s split up,” suggested Adam.  (Adam, you’re hero license is dangerously close to being revoked.  You never split up, especially considering the circumstances.)  They did.  He, Dede, and Sarah went upstairs, while Tatum and Michael looked in the basement, and Leslie, Jordan, and Becca looked on the main floor.  (They don’t even split up into two large groups, but rather into three smaller groups.  You. People. Are idiots.)  Adam walked into the bathroom.  The lights were off, and when he flicked the switch, the light didn’t go on.  He flicked it again, but still nothing happened.  (Uh oh…this is an allusion to Mara’s death.  Gasp!)  Dede and Sarah walked in, and suddenly the door closed. 

“What happened?” asked Dede.  They stood in the darkness, trying to get the door open. 

“What’s going on?” said Sarah.  Suddenly the lights went on and the three kids stared at the shower in terror.  Mara was hanging from the showerhead.  The glass door was shattered, and blood stained the floor.  (Whoa, this is very macabre and actually somewhat frightening.  Or at least it would be in real life.)

There was a symbol around Mara.  They didn’t dare touch it.  “Sarah, do you recognize the symbol?” asked Adam. 

Sarah looked at it.  She was a practicing witch, (which is not suspicious at all in a story about witches and witchcraft.) so she might know what it was.  “It looks like a protection spell, but different somehow,” she said. 

“Do recognize it?” asked Dede. 

Sarah examined it closer.  She was about to touch, then stopped.  “Oh my gosh….this is an evil spell!”  (I have no familiarity with witchcraft outside of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I’m sure isn’t accurate, so I don’t describe the symbol here.  As if I needed a reason to be vague and nondescript.)

“What’s it do?” asked Adam. 

Dede walked to it.  She put her hand on the symbol and shuddered.  (Seriously, Dede?  Sarah just told you the symbol was evil.  Why would you touch it?)  She was thrown back, through the door, and hit the wall in the hallway.  “That’s what it does,” said Sarah as the ground began to rumble. The walls began to crumble (That wasn’t supposed to rhyme) and the floor started to fall in.  It then completely fell apart.  Adam and Sarah fell to the floor below; the only thing left in the bathroom was the showerhead, with Mara’s body hanging from it.  (Nice job, Dede.  See what you did?  Actually, that was pretty suspicious.)

Alright, so we’ve finished this installment of “Salem.”  As promised last time, we lost another character (thanks again, mysterious stalker for putting us out of our misery and killing Mara), and all we need is for the stalker to kill Michael, Sarah, and Tatum to eliminate the ones who are useless and/or utterly unbearable.  However, if we get rid of Tatum, she won’t have the chance to try and kill her friends with boulders anymore.  Unfortunately, I think Tatum’s going to be with us for a while.

Next time:  The characters exhibit extraordinary selective memory by all but ignoring the destruction of Mara’s house, we learn more about the extent of Sarah’s knowledge of the occult, the witch will slay another character (believe me, you won’t miss him/her in the slightest), and someone travels back in time where, ironically, time seems to have no meaning but the date is still relevant.  Yeah, that doesn’t make sense to me either.

Dial "C" for "Cults"

Chapter Eight

December 5th

2:54 AM

            The phone rang.  It startled Faith because she had been worried ever since that suspicios phone call.  She even made the girls lock their door.  But the phone that rang was her cell phone.  "Hello," said Faith as she answered the phone.  It was her mom.  "Faith, I've got bad news. There are more sleep victims."  "Who are they," asked Faith. although she already knew who it was:  Salem.  (Okay, so River and Salem are already in the hospital, and Faith’s mom is just now calling her?  Way to responsible…not.  Also, how does Faith know Salem is one of the victims?  I think it was supposed to be because Faith thinks the demon is cutting through her friends, but it’s foolish to assume that it wouldn’t target other people connected to her.) 

"There are four."  Faith wasn't ready for this.  (Not surprising.)  "They are Salem Michaels, Lauren Anderson, Colby James, and, and,"  (I don’t know why Faith’s mom feels the need to say their last names.  These are all people Faith knows.) her mom couldn't finish because she started to cry.  "River, isn't it," said Faith.  "Yes," said her mom through tears.

Alright Mrs. Faith’s Mom, I have a bone to pick with you.  Your son has been attacked, as have several of your daughters friends, and you thinks it’s okay to leave your teenage daughter at a strangers house with only two small, annoying children as company?  What kind of mother are you?  Clearly not a very good one.

Faith felt a pit in her stomach.  (I think I used the wrong expression here.  I’m not sure what I meant.)  She felt that again when the phone went dead.  "Mom? Mom! Mom are you there?!," she said.  She put the cell phone down.  The regular phone rang.  "Hello, mom?," she said.  "You wish it was your mom, don't you?," said an evil voice.  (Yeah, I was definitely, umm, let’s just say “inspired” by the Scream movies.  Does this remind anyone else of the scene where Casey a.k.a. Drew Barrymore gets those threatening phones calls and is subsequently murdered?  Yeah, there’s a reason for that.) 

Faithwas terrified.  "Who is this?," said Faith.  (Do you really have to ask?  Ugh.)  "Guess." "This is a demon, a domon on a mission who is putting my friends in everlasting sleep!" 

"You got one right.  You soul is strong and smart!," said the demon  (Are you sure we're talking about Faith's soul?  Did you perchance dial the wrong number, demon?).  "What do you mean?," asked Faith.  "I knew your soul would be too strong to controll so I pocessed Colby to kill you," he said.  (Then why did you, after Colby failed to kill Faith, just stop trying?  More importantly, why did you target the friends of one of the few souls that were useless to you?  Even more importantly, seriously, we're talking about Faith's soul here?)

"But that didn't work," said Faith.  "So," said the demon,"I decided to take your friends souls for the ritual."  "what ritual?," asked Faith.  "I'll will make my sacrifices, then release the souls in the place of evil.  If I release the souls anywhere else, they will be free to go back to their bodies."  (This demon is being pretty damn specific about what’s going on.  Why doesn’t he just give her the address of where this ritual is happening?  It seems the inanity epidemic in the town does not exclude demonic creatures.)

"What does the ritual do," asked Faith.  "Well," said the demon,"It summons the prince of darkness himself.  By the way, I'm surprised that you haven't asked who the sacrifices are yet. They're so cute, sitting here in their room, sleeping so soundly. They ahve no idea that they are living their last hours on this earth."  (You. Effing. Idiot.  Why would you tell her that?  Why are you even calling her?  Hang up the freaking phone!) 

Oh my gosh, thought Faith.  (A completely appropriate thought considering the severity of the circumstances.) The girls.  "You better leave them alone!," said Faith.  No answer.  Faith ran upstairs.  The girls door was locked.  Faith remembered that this was her doing.  Stupid!, she thought.  "Let me in!," she said.  (So the door is locked from the inside?  What babysitter would do that?  But this is Faith we’re talking about, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.)

First Faith heard the girls scream, then she saw the door break into pieces as the demon shattered through it.  Faith was knocked to the ground.  She quickly pushed the rubble of the door off and chased the demon.  It smashed through a window and flew away with the girls.  I have to save them, thought Faith. 

This scene is ripped-off from a scene from Hocus Pocus, the movie about the three witches played by Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy.  I’m referring to the scene where the witches kidnap Dani, a precociously young Thora Birch, from the attic bedroom of her home and bust through the ceiling.  I didn’t want to completely rip off the writers of this movie, so I had the demon smashing through a window instead of the roof.  Still, I’m pretty sure I’d be sued if this was ever published.  Then again, I'd also be living in a bizarro world where painfully awful stories find publishers, so who knows what the laws would be there?

***

December 5th

3:07 AM

            Faith took the keys to the Andrews' car after she left them a note.  (What note could possibly convey what just happened?  I don’t think, “Sorry, your children have been kidnapped by a demon who wants to murder them, but don’t worry.  I’m dealing with it.  Also, the demon can fly, but no worries; I have a car, and so I think I’ll be fine.  My car can’t fly, but whatever.  See you soon!  Love, Faith” is going to cut it.)  She saw some rubble that had fallen off the demon heading north, but Faith wasn't headed that way.  She was going to a cult.  (Since not only is every cult easy to find and infiltrate, but all of them worship and/or are associated with child-murdering, soul-stealing demons.)

            She got to the cult's hideout at about  3:30 AM.  She went to the door and, seeing that there was no guard, she walked in.  About hÜ¥e_#À  And this is where the story gets really, really messed up for three and a half pages, and a lot happens.  Well, not really.  Basically, Faith, clearly a seasoned detective, finds the cult, gets them to tell her where this demon is headed (since remember, every cult in the history of cults is connected to this demon), and arrives at the murder site, which is an old cabin the woods where several murders have taken place in the past.  Then, the story goes on repeat itself, literally; nearly everything before the second chapter appears.  I won’t bore you a second time.

The action picks up in the cabin after Faith has killed the demon, released her friends’ souls, and rescued the children.  When she released the souls, her friends appeared magically, wound-free.  Also, the cabin has inexplicably started to collapse.  If I gave a reason for this, which I doubt, it’s been lost.

"What are we waiting for! Let's go!," said River.  They ran out of the cabin.  As they made their way out, the cabin started to crumble.  Lauren and Salem were almost hit with a large piece of wood.  But everyone made it out safely.  (That sucks.  I was really hoping they would all die.  Except maybe for Lily, who needs to find some new, non-stupid friends, though I’m guessing that would be pretty hard in this town.)  When they made it out of the cabin, it was swallowed into the earth.  (This seems to indicate that something supernatural was happening.  But, it’s likely that there is no logical explanation for the cabin being “swallowed by the earth.”) 

After they stood there for a while (marveling at the fact that there’s hope for the imbeciles of the world after all), they started to tell each other their stories.  (Because the remains of a cabin in the woods where Satan was almost summoned is the perfect place for that.)  After they were done Faith said this: "I better be getting a hefty bonus from you parents, Maryn and Drew. (since, you know, I let you get kidnapped after locking myself out of your room.”)

Epilouge

January 10th

6:35 PM

            Faith put on her jacket.  She was going to see a movie with the whole group:Lily, Kris, Salem, Colby, and even Lauren, who she was beginning to like.  She was even taking River with her.  She was babysitting Maryn and Drew tomorrow and was planning to take them to putt putt golf.  (Either Faith didn’t tell the Andrews the whole story, or they’re taking up the mantle of worst parents ever from Faith’s mom.) 

Ever since the incident last month, she was being kinder to everyone. (Because nothing makes you appreciate your loved ones like being stalked by a vicious demon.)  Her and Colby's relationship was doing much better (and, unsurprisingly, we’ll never learn why River thought Faith didn’t really like Colby), she was being nicer to her brother, making friends with new people(Lauren) (I guess Faith forgot that not only has she known Lauren for years, negating any sort of “new” status, but also the fact that they used to be friends) and even enjoying babysitting Maryn and Drew.  Of course that wasn't hard anymore, since they now worshiped the ground she walked on.  (Way to take advantage of your incompetence, Faith.  I’m not sure if I’m outraged or impressed.)  Faith was also seeing a lot more horror movies now, but she couldn't figure out why.  (This is supposed to by my joking, light-hearted way of ending the story, which is completely realistic.  Only, instead of watching horror movies more frequently, one would likely need a lifetime of therapy to recover from such a traumatic experience.  Close enough, though.)

            So, there you have it:  “The Babysitter”.  I really have no words.  Before reading this again to write my comments, I had forgotten how stupid everyone in it is, including the demon.  None of the characters are actually based on real people (at least I really, really hope not) except for River, who was supposed to be an older version of myself (I must have really thought poorly of myself back then).  Even if they were, I would never, ever tell anyone.

This is all we get for “The Babysitter.”  I know, it’s pretty disappointing.  Why kind of ending is that?  I wish my original ending hadn’t gotten ruined because it was much more entertaining.  That doesn’t mean it was good, but the fight scene between Faith and the demon was classic.  The whole cabin in the woods/near sacrifice/demon slayage/earthquake sequence was amazingly appalling and full of impossibilities, but we’ll never be able to read it.  Sigh…

Next time:  a shortish entry about my thoughts and experiences writing “The Babysitter,” which will hopefully be published later today or tomorrow.  Then, we’ll dive into our next story, the compelling drama “Salem.”  People are tortured, drowned, and burned alive in this one, and believe me, they deserve it.  Some of them would even give Faith and Kris a run for their money in the idiot department.