Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Reasons to Never Shower in a Horror Story

Chapter Six
December 3rd
7:25 PM
            Faith looked at the Andrews' house.  (I thought Faith was babysitting the Andrews children and that Lily was babysitting the Lester children.  So, either A) this is a typo of B) Faith is the worst babysitter ever.  Considering what’s already happened in this story, both are possible)  An ambulance was there.  So was a police car.  Faith went over after putting the girls to bed to see what happened (so it was a typo, but now Faith is also the worst babysitter ever), but she knew she would find Lily in the lasting sleep when she got there.  (Which is why it makes perfect sense to leave the children alone when there’s a soul-stealing fiend wandering the neighborhood.)
December 4th
8:45 AM
            River was watching the news.  "And in breaking news," said Brenda the anchor of the show, "Lily Thompson was found last night, another victim of the 'lasting sleep'.  She was friends with the first victim, Kris Carlson.  The police have said that they have a very strong reason to believe that this is being done by a person, not by nature (I thought it was pretty obvious that this wasn’t natural, considering the condition DOESN’T EXIST!  Also, there’s the fact that a dead body was found in Kris’s yard the night she was attacked, which we’ve already established.  Clearly, the stupidity epidemic in this town is not limited to every living creature directly involved in Faith’s life.), because of the state that Lily was found in. (Again, as opposed to the state Kris was found in)"  Oh my gosh!, thought River.  Poor Faith!
December 4th
12:17 PM
            Faith and Salem were at school, eating lunch.  "I can't believe this.  Our group is dwindleing down one by one," said Salem.  (I guess Salem is filling void left by Lily and Kris and decided to start speaking more than six words a day.  Look, he’s not even combining words anymore!)  "I know," Faith said. 
That's when Lauren came to them.  "Well, the whole talk of the school is which one of you will be next.  I'm even taking a poll.," she said. (Whoa, that’s mean.  River looks like the epitome of kindness and understanding next to you, Lauren.)  Faith got out of controll.  She swung at Lauren.  Lauren ducked, then laughed.  (If this is any indication of Faith’s fighting ability, then she’s doomed when the inevitable fight against the demon arrives.)  Your friend is a better fighter then you!," she said. (That’s a low blow, Lauren, even for the school bitch.  By the way, the character of Lauren is based on Cordelia Chase from Buffy, but Lauren is a much bigger pain.  That being said, Lauren is actually one of my favorite characters.  I like that she actually has a personality, albeit an acidic, malicious one.) 
"Errrrrrrrr! You stupid-" Faith lunged.  (Again with the omission of swear words.  At this point in my writing I wasn’t yet comfortable including swear words in my stories.  Not only were my parents going to read this, but also people from church.  Though, I’m guessing the latter group didn’t like the whole “demon stealing souls to raise Satan” plot, either…you know, the entire story.)  Salem had to hold her back.  "I'm just glad I'm not in your group!," said Lauren, who walked away, laughing.  "It's not worth it," said Salem.
December 4th
8:20 PM
            "We can't keep sneaking around like this," said Lauren.  "I know," said Salem.  They were at the town's finest resturant, Chez Pierre.  (A couple things:  First, this is the big story arc for Salem I hinted at earlier.  This is total plagiarism of the whole Cordelia-Xander romance from Buffy seasons 2 and 3.  Secondly, I stole the name “Chez Pierre” from Hey Arnold! a fact of which I am very grateful, since it means the ridiculous name wasn’t a product of my imagination.)  Lauren and Salem had been dating behind their friends' backs for about 2 months. 
"Back to our conversation," Salem said.  (So Lauren just randomly interrupted the conversation to say “We can’t keep sneaking around like this?”  The answer is “yes,” for this was my hasty way of showing that Lauren and Salem’s relationship was a secret.)  "Well, you think that Faith is hiding something about Lily?," she asked.  "Not Lily."  "Kris?"  "No, Colby."  "But," said Lauren,"Colby isn't in the lasting sleep," she said.  "Well, I think it might be him next," said Salem.  "Why?"  "I don't know," said Salem,"I don't know, I just have this feeling."  (No, Salem doesn’t have psychic abilities either, which is evidenced by the following events.  If there is an opposite of precognitive powers, such as the lack of any sort of thinking ability whatsoever, Salem has that.)  
But Salem was wrong about Colby.  He was wrong about being in the resturant.  Lauren was also wrong for being there.  And Faith was wrong for babysitting the Andrews children, Maryn and Drew.  Because no one was there to protect the next victim.  (I forgot that Salem wasn’t next.  Still, it wasn’t Colby.  Basically, the character who’s about to lose his soul was a favorite of mine, and I was preparing to dump a load of guilt on my other characters.)
December 4th
9:17 PM
            River was home.  He was enjoyong a good night of T.V.  But he wasn't watching cartoons, or anything like that.  He was watching the news.  (I’m trying to establish that he’s mature.  ‘Cause, you know, most insensitive thieves are.)  He was feeling so bad about his sister and her friends, that he had to watch the news to see if they were okay.  (Umm, River…if you’re hearing about them on the news, it will be because they’re not okay.  Perhaps you should pick up a phone or something.) Why was he such a saint?  (Ugh…maybe you and Lauren should have gotten together?)  But more importantly, why wasn't Faith and Salem but under protection?  (That’s should say, “put under protection”, and that’s a much more reasonable question.)  Couldn't they see the disturbing trend.  All the victims were friends.  First Kris, now Lily.  Who was next?
            You know, River has a point.  As I mentioned earlier, the policemen in my stories are usually very incompetent.  In the real world, the police would have done something about this long before now.  In the fictitious world of this story, the fates of Faith, Colby, Lauren, and Salem seem to lie in the hands of a 14-year-old jerk.
            When the news proved fruitless (I don’t think fruitless is the correct word…I’d deem the news watching a success, since it showed that no one else has been attacked yet), he decided to go online to try and hack into the hospital files. "Lets see," he said as he used his superb hacking skills (skills that I’m sure weren’t possible back when I wrote this…or maybe even now.)  For hours River tried to get into the file, but it was very heavily guarded.  He decided to give up.   He decided to go take a shower.  (And now, some wise words from the sage Sarah Darling [Jenny McCarthy] of Scream 3:  “My [friends were] just [attacked].  Why am I showering?”  The answer:  “Because you are a fool.”) 
            River was turning the water on when he remembered that he forgot to turn the computer off.  He went downstairs before he got undressed and saw that a screen he had never seen before was on the computer monitor.  (It seems computers portend tragic events for the characters who use them.)  It was the hospital's file for Kris and Lily.  He saw the reports made by the doctors.  He also saw pictures of the marks on their backs.  Evil, cultlike marks.  How did this get on here?, he thought.  (I guess Lily’s intelligence is not a common trait in this town.  She should have been the mayor or something.  Seriously, River, get the eff out of there!)  He hadn't been able to hack into the files.  "Who did this?," he said out loud.  (Don’t ask a question unless you want an answer…in fact, don’t ask a question when you’re the only one in the room.)
Obviously, since River thought he was home alone, he was surprised to hear a deep voice say"It was me."  River turned around in horror just as someone shoved a knife through his leg.  "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" 
Side note:  I remember typing this part while sitting at a computer desk in the dark at night.  I immediately got very scared and then promptly turned on every light in the house to deter any demons who might want to attack me while I was home alone.
River saw the face of his attacker.  It was demonlike.  River thought he had never seen anything so hideous.  The demon took his knife from River's leg and stabbed his arm.  River didn't bother screaming.  (Umm, screaming would have been an involuntary reaction for most humans.)  He took the knife from his arm and stabbed the demon.  The demon fell to the ground.  River limped to the stairs, holdindg his right leg.  He carefully stepped over the demon.  The demon grabbed River's leg, who feel to his stomach  (This is supposed to say “fell to his stomach,” which makes much more sense)
The demon opened a box part way.  River kicked it and got to his feet.  He limped to the stairs and climbed up them.  He went to the bathroom, which is the only door with a lock on it.  He tried to lock the demon out, but the demon was too quick. It ran in and pushed River into the mirror.  It broke in a brilliant display of glass.  (This was a common occurrence in my stories:  someone tries to lock someone else out of a room, fails, and is pushed into a mirror/window.  It even happened in my sequel to Jurassic Park…yes, I wrote a sequel.  No, it was not good.) 
Luckily only about 20 pieces of very small glass stuck in River, none of them big.  (How River knows just how many shards of glass are in his back is a mystery, as is how this is a “lucky” experience.)  He got to his feet and grabbed a shampoo bottle.  He swung it.  It hit the demon in the face, who then fell into the hall way.  (Okay, so let me get this straight:  River failed to fight off the demon with a knife, but a shampoo bottle gets the job done?  Perhaps shampoo is this demon’s kryptonite...)  River pushed the door closed and locked it.  His hands were so trembly that he dropped the key.  (Yeah, this is unbelievable.  I’d have been holding that key so tightly that it would have been fused to my hand by now.)  It landed by the crack under the door.  Suddenly it seemed to be sucked under the door by a vaccum, but River heard nothing so he knew some other force was pulling it.  (Yes, the lack of a “vacuum-like” noise is what tips him off, not the fact that there’s A SOUL-SUCKING DEMON ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR!)  He didn't hesitate.              As the demon tried to unlock the door with the rusty key, River was climbing into the shower, where the water was still running, then to the window.  (I want to say there was a reason for the shower being on, other than the fact that River needed to be elsewhere when the demon accessed the files on the computer, but I don’t think there is.)  He opened it and, since didn't want to jump, he climbed to the roof.  (Yes, because it will be much easier to escape the demon on the roof than on the ground.)  He sat above the window, then heard the bathroom door open.  (Just to recap:  first, River did not jump to relative safety but instead climbed onto the vertigo-inducing roof, from which there is no escape.  Second, River doesn’t even go to the other side of the roof.  Seriously, I have no sympathy for you, River.  You deserve to have your soul sucked out.)
There was silence.  He couldn't hear the water in the shower runnig any more.  He knew the demon was standing in the shower.  (Ahh, so there is a reason for the shower to be on…I don’t give my young self enough credit.)  In one swift movement, the demon flew through the window and landed on the roof.  River was so startled that he slid down the roof and fell off.  He was now hanging from the roof.  The demon raised its knife.  It brought it down to River's hands, but he let go of the roof just in time.  "Aaaaaahhhh!," he screamed as he fell through the air.  He landed on the ground with a thud.  "There goes a rib," he said as he strugled to his feet.  (Yes, as well as about 900,000 brain-cells…oh wait, those were already gone.  Actually, I have no idea if 900,000 is an accurate enough number.) 
Okay, I’m starting to think I didn’t establish this at all.  It’s raining during this part, which is supposed makes River’s big scene much more exciting, supposed being the operative word.
He started to cross the street to the neighbor's house.  When he was in the middle of the road the demon flew to him and knocked him over.  They rolled down a hill.  When they stopped rolling they were in a new street.  The demon opened the box as a car came over a hill about a mile away.  River could feel his soul being sucked away.  (Yeah, I guess the feeling of having one’s soul sucked away is very pronounced and recognizable.)

     So, River's gone now, and I only have one thing to say:  good riddance.  Seriously, why did you climb onto the roof, you dumbass?!?!?  I just don't get it.  I'd much rather jump a couple stories and try to escape instead of hiding on a rain-soaked roof.  I am glad you are gone...now, if only the demon would wipe out the rest of the town.

            Next time:  The demon strikes again, someone is actually murdered, and we learn the importance of wearing seat belts (and not planting trees on busy street corners).

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Why Children = Death

Welcome back to another riveting installment of "The Babysitter." For those of you new to this blog, I'm using the phrase "riveting" loosely. Terms like "contrived, nonsensical, and idiocy-filled" would all be more appropriate adjectives. However, after this post I will no longer be using the word "babysitter" loosely, because some babysitting is finally about to happen. Unfortunately, it doesn't end well.
Chapter Three
December 3rd
8:41 AM
"Riiiingggggg!" went the telephone. "Hello?," said Faith. She was getting ready for school. "It's Lily. Turn on the news." Faith turned on the news. (How does Faith know which news program to turn on? Maybe she’s the one with precognitive powers?) "Once again, the young girl found in the woods is not dead. She is in, what doctors are calling, 'lasting sleep'." Faith felt as though she would throw up. (Why does Faith automatically assume that the girl is someone she knows? And if she does, then shouldn’t she just assume it’s Kris? She has no other friends besides Lily, who’s clearly fine, and Salem, who lacks the anatomy required to be “the girl found in the woods”…as far as we know.)
"Who was the young girl?," she asked. (Seriously, Faith?) Lily was silent. That's when River came down. "Hey stupid," he said, "did you hear about Kris?" (I hate how insensitive River is here. It’s actually surprising because he turns out to be very understanding and compassionate…or he was supposed to, anyways.)
December 3rd
9:45 AM
"I can't believe this happened. How's your sister taking it?," Lauren asked. (I don’t know why Lauren thinks it’s okay to just casually call the girl who is supposedly her “arch nemesis.” Maybe it’s because they “used to be friends?” Speaking of which, I don’t know why Faith and Lauren had their falling out. Perhaps Lauren realized what a drama queen Faith is, and maybe Faith doesn’t want to be friends with Miss Worst Comeback Ever?)
"Well lets see. One of her best friends is found in some sort of coma, she just stabbed her boyfriend, and now she has to babysit two awful kids tonight. How would you take it?," said River. (I like that River is being so rude and sarcastic to Lauren. It almost makes up for his previous insensitivity.)
Lauren gave him a look of disaproval. (Okay, I guess Lauren didn’t call Faith…but where are they? Are they at school? The story isn’t clear. What a surprise.) "Your just like your sister," she said and walked away. River couldn't stand Lauren. Faith was always telling him stuff about how Lauren was such a prep and how she thought she was so cool. (Does anyone remember back in the day when “prep” was supposed to be an insulting term for those kids who dressed well and were popular? Yeah, it doesn’t hold much weight now that I’m not jealous of them anymore. Also, is this the explanation about why Faith and Lauren are enemies now? I’d have thought something more intense (and interesting) would have happened. I mean, they’re not even frenemies, so it sounded more serious)
She also said stuff about how she was really mean, but River didn't see any of it first hand untill he started going to the high school last September. (Way to be specific, River. I like how I blame my characters for my lack of detail.) He didn't really hate his sister, he just argued with her a lot. (Oh, so that explains the insensitivity. You’re off the hook, River. Not.) In fact, he was even going with her to the hospital today to visit Colby. He didn't like Colby either and he didn't think that his sister did. Not really. She says she does but River knew she's lieing. (Wait a second, Faith doesn’t like Colby? Where’d that come from? I don’t think I expound on this further, and now it’s going to bother me.)
December 3rd
10:03 AM
"It doesn't feel the same without Kris," said Faith. She and Lily and Salem were sitting in the court yard of their school. (Since my story lacks any sort of detail at all, the courtyard was supposed to resemble the courtyard from Buffy. Also, in case you care, Faith was supposed to look like Eliza Dushku, who played Faith on the show, and Lily was supposed to look like an adult Soleil Moon Frye. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know.) "I know," said Salem. "It doesn't make any sense," Lily said. "I mean, how come no one has never heard of this so called 'Lasting Sleep'?" (Maybe because you’re in a horror story? Also, that double negative is driving me crazy.)
"I don't know," Salem answered. (I think Salem has said a whole seven words in this story so far. He does actually have a story arc coming up, but it’s not very exciting.) "Yeah, and what about that guy they found in her garden," Faith said. (Obviously, something strange is going on. Kris has some weird ailment and they found a corpse in her yard the same night she was attacked. What’s so hard to understand?)
They were silent. (Probably marveling at their own stupidity.) "You nkow what I heard," Salem said. "I heard that they think that Kris was in a cult." "Why?," asked Faith. "Didn't you hear? There were strange markings on here back. Supposedly very cultlike markings," said Lily. (Okay, I highly doubt that this sort of information would be released to the public. Also, I think the police would be able to tell that the markings had been done after she had been attacked, which would point to gang or cult-related initiation ceremonies as opposed to Kris herself being in a cult. But then again, the police are usually dumb as shit in my stories so that the characters have to rely on themselves. And because I can’t write a very convincing police officer.)
"Lets changesubject said Salem. (I guess Salem’s worried about his word usage. He probably doesn’t want to say too many words, so he’s started combining them.) "I think we all need a little fun in our lives. How bout we do somethnig tonight," he said. (I’m beginning to think that Salem has a very lonely home life, seeing as how he never wants to be there. First the Pizza Shack invite and now this.) "Can't," said Lily. "I have to do my detention tonight, then I have to babysit the triplets: Leslie, Mandy, and Clark." (Oh dear Lord, just the thought of triplets makes me cringe. Evil has no truer form. Detention plus babysitting evil would equal the worst day of my life. Be strong, Lily.) "Your babysitting the Lester twins? (I thought they were triplets?) I'm babysitting the two Andrews children: Maryn and Drew," said Faith. "After I visit Colby in the hospital."
"You don't sound to happy about that," Salem said. "No I am, it's just, oh never mind," said Faith. "Tell us," Lily said.
"Well , he's different." "Different how?," asked Lily and Salem. ".... well, um,...Oh! Look at the time! I gotta get to class! Bye!," said Faith, and with that she sprinted off. "She's hiding something," Lily said. (Again with the obviousness. You people are idiots.)
Chapter Four
December 3rd
4:15 PM
"Maybe we can visit Kris while we are here," River said. "No, they aren't letting her have any visitors," Faith said. (I’m not sure why Kris isn’t allowed to have visitors. It’s probably because I didn’t want to go through the trouble of describing what this “lasting sleep” was like.)
They were at the hospital (I think we’ve established this already), walking to Colby's room. When they got there, he looked pleased to see them. "Hey," he said weakly. "Hey," said Faith, tears welling in her eyes. "River, go get something to drink, I have to talk to Colby alone."
"I don't have any money," he said. "Here, take this," she said hand ing him a bill out of her pocket. "I don't think $20 is going to be enough," said River (Okay, this is where I draw the line, River. I mean, you’re sister is clearly unbalanced, and you’re taking advantage. Maybe you have some sort of disorder? Sometimes you’re very empathetic and caring, and sometimes you steal).
"Here take this," she said, handnig him another $20. (River is the worst brother in the entire world. I remember writing this and thinking it was funny. Now I just think it’s mean.) When he was out of earshot, Faith started to talk. "Colby, we need ttalk about what happened the other night."
"I don't remember much. Actually," Colby said," it felt like something was controlling me. I remember being angry that you didn't show up at my house. I sat down with a bottle of wine from my parents cabinet down stairs. Suddenly I felt this power surging inside me, like something had entered my body. I couldn't controll my actions. I threw my bottle of wine, and that's the last I remember." (For not remembering much, you sure have very specific memories, Colby.)
"Colby," said Faith,"do you believe that demons exist?" "Why," he asked. (Umm, let’s see: you just got done saying that you felt like something was controlling you, which is another way of describing possession, you idiot! Seriously, there must be something in the water in this fictional town, because this story is populated by utter morons.) "Because, right after I stabbed you, your face turned demon like. Then, they found a dead guy in Kris's garden, and they found her in the woods behind her neighbor's house. She is in what the doctors are calling 'the lasting sleep'. She doesn't move, she doesn't talk, she doesn't even blink, she just sits there."
"I know," said Colby. "How?" "Look," he said. Colby pullrd away the curtain next to his bed. There lay Kris, motionless. "What's going on?," asked River as he came into the room.
Wait just a second! First of all, I thought Kris wasn’t allowed to have visitors. If that were the case, why would she be sharing a room with someone who was allowed to have visitors? And secondly, what the eff kind of hospital lets a girl and a guy share a room? I’m not sure if that’s illegal, but it’s certainly unethical.
December 3rd
6:29 PM
Lily knocked on the Lester's door. Mandy answered in. "Lily!," she said. Mandy was by far the nicest of the three triplets. "Oh, Lily," said Mr. Lester,"6:30 sharp, right on time as usual," he said pleasantly (which is code for “Oh, thank the Lord you’re here! These three demonic children are going to be the death of me, and if I don’t get out of this house soon I am probably going to become a mass murderer and kill them all!). "Hon, we better get goin," said Mrs. Lester. (Umm, Mrs. Lester, your husband is waiting by the door, masking his complete and total exasperation with forced friendliness. Do you not see him? He’s probably been ready for hours.) "See ya Lily."
When they were gone, Leslie and Clark came downstairs. Lily wasn't looking forward to this night. (Imagine that.) Clark and Leslie weren't nearly as pleasent as Mandy. (It seems I had trouble spelling the word “pleasant”…as well as half of the English language.)
December 3rd
"Maryn, stop it! Leave your sister alone! That's it Drew, hit her back, I mean no Drew, don't do that!," Faith hollered. (No, Faith, I think that is exactly the right response…reason #1 why I should never have children.) She had only been babysitting for 10 mniutes and all ready the girls were getting out of hand. "I don't have to! Your not my mom!"aid Maryn "Well I'm you babysitter so you will listen to me untill your mom gets home," Faith yelled at her. (This actually happened to me years later while babysitting a little kid from my church. Thankfully, he wasn’t as bad as Maryn, who’s campaigning against the Lester triplets, minus Mandy, for pint-sized horror of the century.) Drew was busy looking out the window when she saw him, her, it (in case you didn’t know that this is supposed to be the demon), out side the house next door. The Lester's house.
Okay, confession time: I actually stole some of this from Halloween, which I saw at an inappropriately young age (I also saw The Exorcist around this time…and they’re both very overrated). I really only “borrowed” the idea of the babysitters getting stalked while, what else, babysitting, and the fact that aforementioned babysitters were babysitting children who lived near each other. So, I’m not sure if that counts as plagiarism (though God knows I’ve done that a few times back in the day…I’m talking entire stories lifted from novels and movies. Good thing I never tried to have them published).
Chapter Five
December 3rd
7:01 PM
"You kids! Put that rope down! Ow! That hurt you little!," (Little what? Just say it, Lily. It would make the story more interesting…and more realistic.) Lily was losing her patience (Which, considering the circumstances, shows remarkable self-control on Lily’s part…those kids would probably already be dead if I were there…reason #2 I’m never having children). Leslie and Clark had locked Mandy in the closet and were trying to tie Lily up. Lily knew she would win. She always did. The two evil siblings always did this when Lily babysat and they always were sent to their room afterword. (I have to ask, Lily: if they do this every time, then why in the world do you continue babysitting them? No amount of money is worth this torment.) Lily finally grabbed both the kids by their ears "Bed time!," she said in triumph. "But it's only seven!," said Leslie. "Oh well!," said Lily tauntingly.
This is actually based on a real babysitting story my mom told me. She babysat for this family once when she was 13, and the two children tied her up and put her in the closet. No, I’m not making this up…I didn’t think stuff like that happened in real life either. Needless to say, she never babysat for them again. Lily must be the most patient person alive.
As soon as she got them to bed she went and unlocked Mandy from the closet. "Thanks Lily," said Mandy. "No problem," said Lily. It was another ten minutes before Mandy looked out of the window. "Look!Ü¥e_#À (Okay, this is where part of the story gets messed up. Basically, Mandy sees the demon outside, thinks it’s her father, and then proceeds to cause a chain of events that result in…well, you’ll just have to wait and see.)
it the next instance she said,"I'm going to get Daddy!" Lily yelled,"No, Mandy! That's not your daddy!" "It's not?," asked Mandy (I have no idea why Mandy’s assumed that the shadowy figure outside is her father…he’s made no indication that he is, nor does he resemble him). "No! go to your room and lock the door! Hurry!," screamed Lily. (It’s about damn time that someone in this story did something intelligent. That’s actually exactly what I would do.) Mandy did as she was told.
Suddenly the phone rang. With trembling hands Lily picked up the phone. "He, he, hello?," she said. Lily heard a crash in the sitting room. She ran there but stopped at the corner. (Good thing you stopped, Lily. You were dangerously close to me revoking the praise I gave you in the last paragraph.) Lily peered around it and saw that someone had thrown a chair through the patio doors. (This part is stolen from Scream. I told you I’ve plagiarized a fair number of times in my day.) That someone was climbing through the new entrance.Lily sped back to the window. The demon wasn't there any more, but Lily could guess where it was now. In the sitting room.
Lily ran to the kitchen. (Again with the intelligence. Sure, she should have called the police by now, but at least she’s not outside investigating dead bodies or something equally moronic, which is more than I can say for some people.) The went to grab a knife out of the drowe (otherwise known as a drawer). Her trembling knocked the cabinet over. All the knives fell to the ground, along with all the other utensils. She stuggled to get the sharpest knife out of the dwore. The demon must have heard all the racket because it was now in the kitchen. The demon grabbed her. It opened a box (Uh oh! Soul suck alert!)
Lily stabbed the demon before he got it all the way open. (Yeah Lily! In one chapter you’ve become the most exciting and interesting character in the story. Naturally, that means your time is up, since this story is a Cory original.) It pushed her against the wall. It held her there with one hand and waved his hand with the other. Three knives floated off the ground. One went into Lily's right hand, the other went into the the other two went into her feet. "Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!," she screamed in pain. The demon then took his own knife and stabbed it into her other hand. "Aaaaaaahhh!," she screamed again. The demon opened the box again. Lily could literally feel her soul being absorbed. (This scene is seriously disturbing. Sometimes I wonder how close I was to becoming a serial killer back in the day. I’m kidding, don’t worry. Still, I’m curious what a soul being absorbed feels like, and how Lily, who is in a state of severe distress, is able to recognize the feeling and think, “Hmm, I guess this demon is after souls.”)
When Lily's head slumped down, he took his knife, but left the other one's there. It wasn't till 10 minutes later that she was found by Mrs. Lester.
Wait, why are the Lesters home already? They just left around 6:30ish. I know the reason wasn't that they weren’t missing their children horribly and thus decided to come home early. Anyways, so long, Lily. I enjoyed your sudden burst of intellect here at the end of your story arc. Let’s hope your idiot friends find a way to literally save your soul. It’s not likely, but we can dream.
And so we've come to the end of another installment, one that contained actual babysitting. I never realized it until now, but I must have hated children even back when I was one. Most of the kids in this story are horrible and mean, and I think I must have had an unconscious dislike for them back in the day, too. Anyways, I'm going to miss Lily. Who else actually stands a chance to save the town from this demon?
Next time:  we'll get more soul-sucking, more moronic behavior, more implausible and contrived plot points, and there will even be a shower scene! Well, sort of. Don't get too excited.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Babysitter Pt. I (a.k.a. Stupid People Being Stalked by an Equally Stupid Demon)

The Babysitter
by Cory Byers
First, some background information. I’ve been writing stories for years, ever since I could read. I always wanted to write stories like the ones I was reading, and I was reading a lot of “horror” (really, they were just books like the Goosebumps series, which usually weren’t scary except for the occasional story). So, naturally I went in that direction when I began writing. And, except for the occasional story about being stranded in the mountains or crashing on an island owned by a nefarious company, I stayed there. Often my stories involved the supernatural, but sometimes they were just about serial killers massacring people…I should mention my three favorite movies back then were Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, and Urban Legend. Additionally, I wrote a lot of sequels (I wrote two I Know… sequels and one Urban Legend sequel, among others). Nearly all of my stories were atrocious, even if the ideas were somewhat decent. Regardless, I thought they were good and, like many aspiring child authors, wanted to make writing my full-time profession one day. However, unlike many aspiring child authors, I had more realistic expectations. I knew that I would probably need some sort of formal education, and that my dream was going to be hard to achieve. I knew I would probably need some other job to be my main source of income. Eventually, writing became simply a hobby of mine.
Anyways, “The Babysitter” was one of the earliest things I wrote when I first got a computer, since it was much easier to type than to write freehand. It originally was supposed to be about the old Babysitter Urban Legend, the one about the man calling repeatedly and asking, “Have you checked the children?” (In case you didn’t figure it out already, urban legends scared the crap out of me back in the day, and they still do to a certain extent). My version of “The Babysitter” quickly evolved (or is it devolved?) into a story about a demon collecting souls in order to summon Satan to the world and cause mass destruction. I actually like the idea and even tried to re-write the story (though I never finished, what I did write is considerably less horrendous than this story), but the execution is horrible. And thus, I present you with “The Babysitter.” Enjoy!
· Faith:16yrs old The Babysitter. She is very concerned about her friends.
· Lily:15yrs old Faith's best friend. She is like Sheep: she does everything Faith does.
· Kris: 15yrs old Faith and Lily's friend. She is very lazy when it comes to school work
· River:14yrs old Faith's brother. He and Faith fight a lot.
· Colby:17yrs old Faith's boyfriend. They are having trouble with their relationship.
· Lauren:15yrs old Faith's arch nemesis. She and Faith used to be friends.
· Salem:16yrs old Faith's friend. He often gives advice to Faith and Lily and Kris
· Drew:5yrs old Faith is babysitting her. She is very spunky.
· Maryn:8yrs old. Faith is also babysitting her. She thinks that she is too old for a babysitter.
I’m a big fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so you could often find at least one character named after someone on that show. In this story, it was Faith. As for the other names, some are based on real people (Colby, Lauren, Drew) while others are just names I liked (and still do, actually). I know, some of these names are strange, but this is a story about a demon stalking teenagers for their souls…so just go with it.
Everything has been kept the same…see “Prolouge” above as evidence.
"Why does it matter where I was?!!," screamed Faith.
"Bvecause you didn't meet me like you said you would!!!," screamed Colby. "You know what?," said Faith. "I'm sick of this! I forgot, okay!?! But it's too late. I am dumping you!"
I doubt people actually say “I am dumping you” when they’re actually dumping people. I had no experience with relationships back when I wrote this, and it shows. I think my cynicism about relationships was reflected in my stories, since they usually either ended badly or were conducted in secret.
"What?," asked Colby. At first his tone was full of sorrow. But than it turned to anger. Faith could also detect some hate in his voice. "You can't leave me. I'll kill you first."
This is the first sign something is wrong. Either Colby is a psychopath, or something else is horribly awry. What could it be?! Why is Coldy acting insane?! That was the reaction I was going for when I wrote this.
Faith backed away in fear. (Smart, Faith. Personally, I’d be running for the kitchen to find some sort of weapon, preferably a cleaver.) He ran toward her. Faith ducked under him. She ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. (Now she gets a weapon. It’s not a cleaver, but it’ll get the job done.) Colby lunged at her as though he was pocessed. She held her knife out but Colby didn't stop. (See what I mean?) Faith gagged at the sound of ripping flesh. (This is sort of gross. I was apparently a very macabre child. Also, this is supposed to be the second sign that something is wrong, and thus ruling out the whole “Colby is a psychopath” theory. However, I’m fairly certain that some psychopaths, if not all, would run themselves into a knife…after all, most psychos aren’t playing with a full deck if you know what I mean.)
Colby stepped away from her, the knife still sticking out of him. To her surprise, Colby laughed. (Finally, I present you with the third sign something is wrong. At least this time I’m beginning to suspect that Colby may, in fact, not be a psychopath, but I also was expecting something supernatural to happen. I guess this is still something an insane murder might do.) "I'm not what you think," he said. His face was immediatly transformed. It was demon like. (At last, we can rule out that Colby is not, in fact a psychopath…unless he’s a psychotic demon. And, since this is a Cory original, that’s possible). "You can't win," the demon said.
Colby fell to the floor. A sort of spirit left Colby's body. (I didn’t actually know what I wanted the aforementioned spirit to look like, so I deliberately left it vague…which will happen repeatedly throughout this story.) "What happened?," he said. Faith knew at once she had made a terrible mustake. "It's okay," she said. But it wasn't okay. Faith knew it would never be okay.
So, we’ve ruled out that Colby is a psycho, but something is clearly amiss. Unfortunately, the characters in my story are one-dimensional and sort of annoying, so I’m not sure I care to find out what’s going on.
Chapter One
December 1st
10:34 PM
I loved marking the time in my stories, and I almost always set them during the fall or winter. I liked when the weather worked against my protagonists, which will happen several times during this story. However, you’d think that I’d have set some of my stories during the spring or summer. Just think of the weather potential! Tornadoes! Floods! Severe storms! Hurricanes! Actually, now that I’m typing this, I just remembered that at least two of my stories have featured floods and/or severe storms and/or a hurricane. I guess I never got around to using a tornado as a plot device. Alright, back to the story:
Faith unlocked the door to her house. "Mom, Dad, I'm home," she called out. "Why are you home so late young lady?" asked her dad angerly. (If Faith’s parents were in the room, why did she have to unlock the door? Are we supposed to assume that Faith’s parents had just entered the room as she entered? We’ll never know.) "Colby is in the hospital," she replied, holding back the tears that were welling in her eyes. (Way to garner some sympathy points, Faith.) "What happened!," asked her mother, who was clearly shocked. "Well, he was, um, drunk, I think, and he attacked me. I got a knife and he...he...." (Maybe you shouldn’t have mentioned he was drunk. After all, he’s only 17 and you’re only 16.) She could hold back the tears no longer. Her mother held her. "There, there," said her mother soothingly. (Wow, comforting. Her daughter impaled her boyfriend with a knife after he attacked her, and all she can say is “There, there.” Faith’s mom, you fail at mothering.)
December 2nd
1:23 PM
"That's terrible!," said Lily. (Way to state the obvious, Lily.) "I know,"replied Faith. "I can't believe it either." said their friend Kris. "Can't believe what?" asked Lauren.
"I can't believe that this school is so big yet I keep seeing you," said Lily. (Oh, man, this is about to be embarrassing.)
"Well I can't believe that you were allowed out of your cage this morning," said Lauren, smiling. (Worst. Comeback. Ever. I do like that she was smiling, though. I imagine her having one of those malicious, Regina-George-of-Mean-Girls grins on her face…though I’m not sure if that’s what I meant, since Mean Girls wouldn’t be a movie until years after I wrote this)
"Do you wanna start something?," asked Lily. (Umm, Lily, she just implied that you were an animal who lived in a cage. I think the answer to your question is “Yes, Lily, I called you an animal because I want to fight you.”)
"Bring it on!," exclaimed Lauren. (Or I guess that would work.) The girls lunged at each other. (I can’t believe I included a girl fight in this story. They’re probably going to start pulling each other’s hair and biting.)
This reminded Faith how Colby had lunged at her. She held her head saying "It's not your fault," silently. (Dramatic much, Faith? She’s starting to annoy me.) Kris seemed to notice that Faith was troubled. "Are you okay Faith?," she asked. Faith sat up. "Yeah," she said,"I'm fine."
"Whoa, stop!," said Salem as he pushed between Lily and Lauren. They ran around him and fell to the ground, Lauren biting Lily's arm. (I was right about the biting. Also, this scene with Salem was supposed to be foreshadowing a future event in the story…it’s not very effective.) Salem ignored them this time. "I came over here for a reason, not to mess with these two," he said. "Um Faith, Kris, do you two want to come out to the Pizza Shack tonight?'' (Yes, I made the “Pizza Shack” up. I wish I hadn’t, but I did.) ".....Sure," said Faith. "It might get my mind off of well, you know." (I love how Faith was about to have a nervous breakdown, and now she’s acting like her situation with Colby was just some irritating event that she doesn’t want to think about.)
"Why don't we ask Lily?," asked Kris. "I have a felling that she and Lauren are going to be in detention today." (Then why bother asking, Kris? You just contradicted yourself.) Sure enough, two seconds later a teacher came and gave them detention slips for afternoon detention. (No, Kris doesn’t have precognitive abilities. I didn’t go that far…in this story, at least.)
Chapter Two
December 3rd
12:10 AM
Kris woke up. She looked at the clock on her computer. 12:10 AM! I need to get some sleep tonight, so I better get done with my report. (I know my abrupt shift here to the 1st person perspective might be confusing, but it wasn’t meant to be. Kris is supposed to be thinking these things.)
Kris looked at the computer. Written in large, bold type were the words OUTSIDE. Kris looked around. No one was there. She decided to go outside. (I have no words. Well, I have several, but they all essentially mean “dumbass.” Seriously Kris, why the eff would you go outside after finding a mysterious message on your computer screen asking you to go there? I just…it’s really infuriating that I wrote a character who is so obviously a complete and total idiot. Unfortunately, she’s not the only idiot in this story.)
She got there and called out. "Hello? Anyone out here?" No answer. (Oh for the love of God, Kris, you’re in a horror story! You never ask, “Who’s there?” (or something to that effect) in a horror story! At least you didn’t say, “I’ll be right back.” Well, not yet anyways. I wouldn’t put it past you.)
She walked out, away from the door. It closed behind her. "Oh, crud!" she said. (I hate that word, and I always have. I have absolutely no idea why I included it in this story.) She was locked out. There was an extra key behind her house in the garden. (This is all a very convenient way of getting Kris into the backyard, which is close to the woods. I loved including forests in my horror stories.) She was going to get it. "If I had just not gone out this afternoon, none of this would've happened," she grumbled. Pizza hadn't gone well. Faith was really upset about Colby. He wasn't allowed to have any visitors besides family yet. Faith said she wanted to talk to him. Kris had this feeling that Faith wasn't telling them the whole story about what happened that night. (I’m not really sure why going out earlier was causing Kris’s present circumstances…or why she’s talking to herself. And of course Faith is going to be upset about Colby…she stabbed him. Way to be sensitive to other people’s feelings, Kris.)
Kris got to the side of the house. When she got to the garden she almost threw up. There lay someone, dead. He was covered in scratches and bruises. He also had some strange markings on his face, and he had many tattoos. (The presence of tattoos was supposed to show that this dead guy was bad news. Now, I have nothing against people with tattoos. I actually have six, my father has nine, and my sister has sixteen. I think I meant for the tattoos to be creepy, stereotypical-gang-member tattoos…not that this guy’s in a gang or anything.)
Despite the awful smell and the terror that was building inside of her, Kris bent closer to the body. (Okay, I’m starting to question Kris’s mental health. She seems somewhat suicidal to me. Someone is dead in your backyard Kris! Get the eff out of there before it’s too late!) She saw that the markings on his face looked ritualistic. Suddenly Kris remembered a serious thing. She didn't know why she had forgot it so quickly. Her computer had said "Outside". Someone was lureing her out here!!!!!! (Seriously, it took her this long to figure out that something was amiss. Kris is making me so effing angry right now. I hope someone comes and slaughters her, putting her out of her misery and putting us out of ours.) She turned to run. She made it to the back door. Thats when she remebered that both doors were locked! Kris ran to the flower pot that hid the key. She went to grab it when something grabbed her. She turned and saw someone with the face of a demon. Kris ran to the neighbors yard. Her bare feet were freezing in the new snow that must have fallen when she was sleeping. (See what I mean about the weather working against my characters. The presence of snow was supposed to make it harder for Kris to escape. I hope there’s a freakin’ blizzard.)
When Kris got to the door, she banged on it heavily. She pounded it (this sounds vaguely dirty) as long as she could before the demon ran to her. "Help me! Somebody please!" The demon started to grab her,but she was prepared this time. (I’m confused about what, exactly, Kris was prepared for. There’s no mention of her fighting off the demon or anything. So, this is confusing.)
She ran to the woods behind the neighbor's house. (See what I mean. Everyone, not just Kris, conveniently lives near a forest. I imagine they live in a rustic area.) The police station was just on the other side. (Again, very convenient that she has to run through the forest to get to the police station.)
Snow as falling again. Lightly at first, but it was very heavy by the time Kris made it to the half way point of the woods. The demon caught up with her than. (Again with the weather. You know, for a demon who assumedly has supernatural powers, you’d think that it would have caught up to Kris much sooner.) He grabbed her. It's grip was supernatural. (Well, at least its grip is supernatural…whatever that means.) He opend a box. Kris felt as if her soul was being absorbed. (It’s unclear what Kris means, so let me clarify. Her soul is being absorbed by the box, a.k.a. it's stealing her soul.) Kris fell to the ground, unmoving. (I guess the lack of a soul equals unconsciousness. Who knew?)

Okay, so we've reached the end of the first part of "The Babysitter," and we've lost our first victim. The important thing to remember, however, is that, if the demon had his/her/its way, there would be two victims already (remember, Faith would be dead via a possessed Colby). This won't be the last time the demon does itself in. Believe me, not even close.

Next time:  someone actually shows some intelligence, meaning their days are numbered, naturally.  Also, there will be some actual babysitting, and one of our protagonists will face something truly evil:  triplets.

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