Retrospective on "The Babysitter"

So, we're finished with "The Babysitter," and I have to say I'm kind of sad about that.  Since it is, at the time of this writing, my earliest surviving story (I'm still hoping to find some of my older ones, which even more fantastically awful), I thought it would be a good story to begin with, but now I'm sorry to be finished with it.  Despite its (many, many) flaws, the story holds a certain amount of nostalgia for me.

I began writing "The Babysitter" when I was in seventh grade.  As a young aspiring author, I'd been writing for many years, but due to what I've not self-diagnosed as juvenile arthritis (now it's pretty obvious that have arthritis, and it does run in my family, so I feel pretty confident that I had it) my hand often hurt too badly to write for a long stretch of time.  Though we'd had a computer for several years before seventh grade, I never used it with any kind frequency until the day we got a new computer.  Because I was so enthralled with the computer, I used it as often as I could, and one day I got the idea to start typing my stories on it.  It was a match made in Heaven, as my hands could withstand typing for much longer than when I physically wrote the stories, and I was bound by the amount of paper I had, either.  So, this was the beginning of my major writing phase.

Although "The Babysitter" was one of the earliest stories I ever typed, it was not the first.  Before that, I wrote a couple of sequels to "I Know What You Did Last Summer."  For some reason I decided it would be a good idea to delete the stories off the computer after I printed them, so these are sadly among the ones that are now lost.  However, by the time I started "The Babysitter" I had the common sense to keep the files on the computer.  Unfortunately, typing my stories on the computer is also the reason "The Babysitter" got messed up toward the end; I opened the file one day, and there was an error message...and then most of the ending was gone.  To this day I still don't know what happened, but thankfully this was the only story that happened with.

After I had finished "The Babysitter," I was so impressed with it that I showed everyone I could.  While most people just humored me and told me how "good" it was, my dad was the only one who actually told me the truth.  He said that it was good for my age, but that I couldn't get it published (I actually thought it was close to being publisher ready).  At the time I just thought he was wrong, but now I see he was trying to mentally prepare me for the day I realized that it would take a lot of work before I could become a published author.

After I had exhausted nearly every parent, sibling, and every other relative, I moved on to people from church.  I'm choosing to blame my youth on this, because back then I really had no qualms about showing the Baptist members of my church a story about a demon who, with the help of stolen souls, a sketchy cult, and child sacrifices, tried to summon Satan into the mortal world.  Yeah, I really thought they would find it amusing.  To be fair, I obviously wasn't writing stories of this nature because I hoped they happened or something; if I really was the freak that this story portrayed me to be (to the members or my church at least), I wouldn't have had Faith come out on top in the end.  However, these facts didn't sway the minds of the church members.  While they never said anything to my face, their faces as they read the story (especially when they got to the Lily-pinned-to-the-wall part) said it all:  in their eyes, I was seriously disturbed.  None of them complimented the story in any way other than to say, "It's not what I expected," which is actually not a compliment at all.

For a long time people at church probably wondered what sort of sinister thoughts were brewing underneath my non-sinister exterior, but eventually they forgot about it...or at least the pretended to.  No one ever mentioned the story again, and I never brought another to church.  If they disliked "The Babysitter," I knew they wouldn't like stories involving people being burned alive, hungry demons, and trios of homicidal maniacs (I've written stories on all of these subjects).  I think that I ultimately made the right decision.

Dial "C" for "Cults"

Chapter Eight

December 5th

2:54 AM

            The phone rang.  It startled Faith because she had been worried ever since that suspicios phone call.  She even made the girls lock their door.  But the phone that rang was her cell phone.  "Hello," said Faith as she answered the phone.  It was her mom.  "Faith, I've got bad news. There are more sleep victims."  "Who are they," asked Faith. although she already knew who it was:  Salem.  (Okay, so River and Salem are already in the hospital, and Faith’s mom is just now calling her?  Way to responsible…not.  Also, how does Faith know Salem is one of the victims?  I think it was supposed to be because Faith thinks the demon is cutting through her friends, but it’s foolish to assume that it wouldn’t target other people connected to her.) 

"There are four."  Faith wasn't ready for this.  (Not surprising.)  "They are Salem Michaels, Lauren Anderson, Colby James, and, and,"  (I don’t know why Faith’s mom feels the need to say their last names.  These are all people Faith knows.) her mom couldn't finish because she started to cry.  "River, isn't it," said Faith.  "Yes," said her mom through tears.

Alright Mrs. Faith’s Mom, I have a bone to pick with you.  Your son has been attacked, as have several of your daughters friends, and you thinks it’s okay to leave your teenage daughter at a strangers house with only two small, annoying children as company?  What kind of mother are you?  Clearly not a very good one.

Faith felt a pit in her stomach.  (I think I used the wrong expression here.  I’m not sure what I meant.)  She felt that again when the phone went dead.  "Mom? Mom! Mom are you there?!," she said.  She put the cell phone down.  The regular phone rang.  "Hello, mom?," she said.  "You wish it was your mom, don't you?," said an evil voice.  (Yeah, I was definitely, umm, let’s just say “inspired” by the Scream movies.  Does this remind anyone else of the scene where Casey a.k.a. Drew Barrymore gets those threatening phones calls and is subsequently murdered?  Yeah, there’s a reason for that.) 

Faithwas terrified.  "Who is this?," said Faith.  (Do you really have to ask?  Ugh.)  "Guess." "This is a demon, a domon on a mission who is putting my friends in everlasting sleep!" 

"You got one right.  You soul is strong and smart!," said the demon  (Are you sure we're talking about Faith's soul?  Did you perchance dial the wrong number, demon?).  "What do you mean?," asked Faith.  "I knew your soul would be too strong to controll so I pocessed Colby to kill you," he said.  (Then why did you, after Colby failed to kill Faith, just stop trying?  More importantly, why did you target the friends of one of the few souls that were useless to you?  Even more importantly, seriously, we're talking about Faith's soul here?)

"But that didn't work," said Faith.  "So," said the demon,"I decided to take your friends souls for the ritual."  "what ritual?," asked Faith.  "I'll will make my sacrifices, then release the souls in the place of evil.  If I release the souls anywhere else, they will be free to go back to their bodies."  (This demon is being pretty damn specific about what’s going on.  Why doesn’t he just give her the address of where this ritual is happening?  It seems the inanity epidemic in the town does not exclude demonic creatures.)

"What does the ritual do," asked Faith.  "Well," said the demon,"It summons the prince of darkness himself.  By the way, I'm surprised that you haven't asked who the sacrifices are yet. They're so cute, sitting here in their room, sleeping so soundly. They ahve no idea that they are living their last hours on this earth."  (You. Effing. Idiot.  Why would you tell her that?  Why are you even calling her?  Hang up the freaking phone!) 

Oh my gosh, thought Faith.  (A completely appropriate thought considering the severity of the circumstances.) The girls.  "You better leave them alone!," said Faith.  No answer.  Faith ran upstairs.  The girls door was locked.  Faith remembered that this was her doing.  Stupid!, she thought.  "Let me in!," she said.  (So the door is locked from the inside?  What babysitter would do that?  But this is Faith we’re talking about, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.)

First Faith heard the girls scream, then she saw the door break into pieces as the demon shattered through it.  Faith was knocked to the ground.  She quickly pushed the rubble of the door off and chased the demon.  It smashed through a window and flew away with the girls.  I have to save them, thought Faith. 

This scene is ripped-off from a scene from Hocus Pocus, the movie about the three witches played by Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy.  I’m referring to the scene where the witches kidnap Dani, a precociously young Thora Birch, from the attic bedroom of her home and bust through the ceiling.  I didn’t want to completely rip off the writers of this movie, so I had the demon smashing through a window instead of the roof.  Still, I’m pretty sure I’d be sued if this was ever published.  Then again, I'd also be living in a bizarro world where painfully awful stories find publishers, so who knows what the laws would be there?

***

December 5th

3:07 AM

            Faith took the keys to the Andrews' car after she left them a note.  (What note could possibly convey what just happened?  I don’t think, “Sorry, your children have been kidnapped by a demon who wants to murder them, but don’t worry.  I’m dealing with it.  Also, the demon can fly, but no worries; I have a car, and so I think I’ll be fine.  My car can’t fly, but whatever.  See you soon!  Love, Faith” is going to cut it.)  She saw some rubble that had fallen off the demon heading north, but Faith wasn't headed that way.  She was going to a cult.  (Since not only is every cult easy to find and infiltrate, but all of them worship and/or are associated with child-murdering, soul-stealing demons.)

            She got to the cult's hideout at about  3:30 AM.  She went to the door and, seeing that there was no guard, she walked in.  About hÜ¥e_#À  And this is where the story gets really, really messed up for three and a half pages, and a lot happens.  Well, not really.  Basically, Faith, clearly a seasoned detective, finds the cult, gets them to tell her where this demon is headed (since remember, every cult in the history of cults is connected to this demon), and arrives at the murder site, which is an old cabin the woods where several murders have taken place in the past.  Then, the story goes on repeat itself, literally; nearly everything before the second chapter appears.  I won’t bore you a second time.

The action picks up in the cabin after Faith has killed the demon, released her friends’ souls, and rescued the children.  When she released the souls, her friends appeared magically, wound-free.  Also, the cabin has inexplicably started to collapse.  If I gave a reason for this, which I doubt, it’s been lost.

"What are we waiting for! Let's go!," said River.  They ran out of the cabin.  As they made their way out, the cabin started to crumble.  Lauren and Salem were almost hit with a large piece of wood.  But everyone made it out safely.  (That sucks.  I was really hoping they would all die.  Except maybe for Lily, who needs to find some new, non-stupid friends, though I’m guessing that would be pretty hard in this town.)  When they made it out of the cabin, it was swallowed into the earth.  (This seems to indicate that something supernatural was happening.  But, it’s likely that there is no logical explanation for the cabin being “swallowed by the earth.”) 

After they stood there for a while (marveling at the fact that there’s hope for the imbeciles of the world after all), they started to tell each other their stories.  (Because the remains of a cabin in the woods where Satan was almost summoned is the perfect place for that.)  After they were done Faith said this: "I better be getting a hefty bonus from you parents, Maryn and Drew. (since, you know, I let you get kidnapped after locking myself out of your room.”)

Epilouge

January 10th

6:35 PM

            Faith put on her jacket.  She was going to see a movie with the whole group:Lily, Kris, Salem, Colby, and even Lauren, who she was beginning to like.  She was even taking River with her.  She was babysitting Maryn and Drew tomorrow and was planning to take them to putt putt golf.  (Either Faith didn’t tell the Andrews the whole story, or they’re taking up the mantle of worst parents ever from Faith’s mom.) 

Ever since the incident last month, she was being kinder to everyone. (Because nothing makes you appreciate your loved ones like being stalked by a vicious demon.)  Her and Colby's relationship was doing much better (and, unsurprisingly, we’ll never learn why River thought Faith didn’t really like Colby), she was being nicer to her brother, making friends with new people(Lauren) (I guess Faith forgot that not only has she known Lauren for years, negating any sort of “new” status, but also the fact that they used to be friends) and even enjoying babysitting Maryn and Drew.  Of course that wasn't hard anymore, since they now worshiped the ground she walked on.  (Way to take advantage of your incompetence, Faith.  I’m not sure if I’m outraged or impressed.)  Faith was also seeing a lot more horror movies now, but she couldn't figure out why.  (This is supposed to by my joking, light-hearted way of ending the story, which is completely realistic.  Only, instead of watching horror movies more frequently, one would likely need a lifetime of therapy to recover from such a traumatic experience.  Close enough, though.)

            So, there you have it:  “The Babysitter”.  I really have no words.  Before reading this again to write my comments, I had forgotten how stupid everyone in it is, including the demon.  None of the characters are actually based on real people (at least I really, really hope not) except for River, who was supposed to be an older version of myself (I must have really thought poorly of myself back then).  Even if they were, I would never, ever tell anyone.

This is all we get for “The Babysitter.”  I know, it’s pretty disappointing.  Why kind of ending is that?  I wish my original ending hadn’t gotten ruined because it was much more entertaining.  That doesn’t mean it was good, but the fight scene between Faith and the demon was classic.  The whole cabin in the woods/near sacrifice/demon slayage/earthquake sequence was amazingly appalling and full of impossibilities, but we’ll never be able to read it.  Sigh…

Next time:  a shortish entry about my thoughts and experiences writing “The Babysitter,” which will hopefully be published later today or tomorrow.  Then, we’ll dive into our next story, the compelling drama “Salem.”  People are tortured, drowned, and burned alive in this one, and believe me, they deserve it.  Some of them would even give Faith and Kris a run for their money in the idiot department.

Car Accidents and Mysteriously Placed Trees

Chapter Seven

December 5th

12:30 AM

            "Do you see that?," asked Lauren.  They had just gotten back from visiting Faith at the Andrews' house, where she and Salem told Faith all about their relationship.  (For some reason, I have a problem when babysitters’ friends visit them while babysitting.  That just bugs me.)  Faith also told them what she had been hiding.  She thought that Colby had been possesed.  Lauren was having trouble believeing that, and so was Salem.  (Which is unsurprising.  I wonder what Faith expected them to think?)

"What is that," Salem said.  There was a person in the middle of the road, and something was lying at his feet.  (In case this isn’t blatantly obvious, the car that River saw before being soul-sucked was Salem’s, and the person in the road and the “something” at his feet are actually the demon and River.  Just wanted to clear that up.)  When they got closer, they saw that it was actually River lying at someone's feet, they same someone who was carving some tthing in his back with a knife.  The carvings weren't very deep.

Okay, seriously, how are Salem and Lauren supposed to know the carvings aren’t deep?  Did they get out of the car and investigate River’s back while the demon just stood to the side, waiting for them to finish?  And, why did I feel the need to establish the fact that the cuts weren’t deep?  I think I felt the need to show my readers that I wasn’t some sort of sadistic creep.  Apparently, I forgot the parts of the story involving impaled boyfriends and teenage girls pinned to walls with knives.

  "Oh my gosh! That's River!," said Lauren.  The attacker turned around and they saw his face.  It was demon.  Suddenly everything made sense.  The pocessed Colby story, the lasting sleep, the dead guy in Kris's garden, and the strange markings.  (I don’t see how seeing someone with an apparently demonic face clears everything up.  How do Salem and Lauren know that this person isn’t just a serial killer who likes to wear masks or has some sort of developmental defect?  This doesn’t clear up anything, but rather creates more questions.)  It didn't make perfect sense, but it was clearer then it had been.  (Obviously, my young self was thinking the same thing, but instead of deleting the last couple of sentences, I just wrote another.  That makes perfect sense.)

The demon walked  toward them after throwing River to the side of the road and jumped to the roof of their car.  It stuck it's foot through, hitting Lauren in the head.  "Ouch!," she said.  (This is supposed to create a feeling of suspense, not be unintentionally funny.  Sadly, it fails.)  Salem sped away, knocking the demon to the road again.  "What was that?," asked Lauren.  "How should I know!," Salem yelled.  (For people who everything made sense to a few seconds ago, you don’t seem to know anything remotely useful.  Clearly, you thought it was a demon, but now you’re not so sure I guess.) "Where are we going?,"  "To the hospital," (As opposed to oh, I don’t know, the POLICE STATION maybe!!!  You people should all be slaughtered.)

            About ten minutes later Lauren noticed the demon was following them.  It was flying very fast and it caught up to them.  It flew around the car, which caused Salem to stop suddenly.  Since he wasn't wearing his seatbelt, he went through the windshieild.  (This is the biggest plot contrivance in the history of plot contrivances.  Why would Salem not want to hit the demon with his car?  It’s trying to steal your soul and cut symbols into your back!  You should hit it with your car!  Instead, you’re lying on the road, merciless.  Serves you right, Salem.  Let’s hope Lauren’s smarter than you.)

The demon went to him as Lauren climbed into the driver's seat.  The demon opened a box.  Lauren saw a bright light leave Salem.  Lauren drove around them and started to the hospital.  (Hit the freaking demon!  Kill it!)  She knew the demon wasn't following her becauseit still had to make the marks on Salem's back.  (Since Lauren is fully familiar with the demon’s modus operandi by now.)

            When she was almost to the hospital, Lauren looked back to see if the demon was following her, she didn't sse the tree next to the road, which was next to the hospital.  (Just the lone tree on the curb.  To clarify, I did imagine it this way when I wrote this, since I pictured the hospital in a city area, and I pictured a single tree on the corner of an intersection.  Since, you know, that happens all the time.)  She looked and saw it just in time to put the brakes on but, but since she didn't have anti lock brakes, she crashed into the tree anyways.  (To be fair, I’m still not sure of the difference between anti-lock and non-anti-lock brakes when it comes to bad weather.  Not that I mentioned that there was bad weather.  I always pictured there being ice on the road from the freezing rain I didn’t mention earlier.  Apparently, I expected my readers to be mind-readers as well.)  The last thing she remembered were bright red flashing lights.

***

December 5th

1:21  AM

            Maryn came downstairs, followed by Drew.  "Were are mommy and daddy?," Maryn asked Faith.  "They said they would be home real late, but that they would wake you when they got home," she said.  (This is completely unrealistic.  At least I think it is.  Do parents actually wake their kids up when they get home late?)  She took them upstairs to their bedroom.  "Good night," she said as she turned off the light.  Suddenly the phone rang.  "I'll get it," said Drew.  "No! I'll do it," said Faith.  Drew got to the phone in the room next door first.  (So, Drew climbed out of her bed and sprinted to the phone before Faith could get there?  Is Drew on some sort of steroid or something?  She’s five.) 

"Hello?," she said.  There was a brief silence once Faith came into the room.  "No," said Drew," my mommy and daddy aren't home."  (On the other hand, this would totally happen.  I always told people who called when my parents weren’t home.)  Faith froze.  When she regained controll of her body, she lunged toward the phone.  (Wait, is Faith possessed?  Or are her reflexes just the worst ever?  I’m going with the latter.)  "He hung up," said Drew.  Faith wondered who that was.  (You seemed pretty sure that it was the attacker calling when you lunged yourself at the phone, Faith.  What’s with all these characters second-guessing themselves?  Oh, that’s right, THEY’RE COMPLETE IDIOTS!  I keep forgetting this story isn’t populated by normal people.)

***

December 5th

2:00 AM

            Lauren opened her eyes.  She was in a hospital bed.  She had badages on her head and on her arm.  Her nose ached.  "Salem, River!," she said out loud.  "They've already been found," someone said.  (Okay, that’s creepy.  What was this person just doing sitting in here, watching Lauren sleep?  That’s weird.)

For the first time Lauren noticed that someone else in the room with her.  She sat up and saw it was a nurse.  "They have?" saked Lauren.  "Yes," said the nurse.  "Are they in the lasting sleep?"  The nurse just nodded.  "I know how it happened," said Lauren.  The nurse jumped up.  "Did you see who did it?," she asked Lauren.  "Yes," said Lauren,"it was a demon.  The demon opens a box which sucks out, well I think, the victims soul, then it makes the markings on their backs."  (How in the world does Lauren even suspect that this mysterious box sucks out souls?  It’s one thing to experience the process and feel the soul being sucked out, like River, Salem, Lily, and Kris, but it’s quite another to just see a bright light and think, “hmm, that looks like a soul.  Or at least what I think a soul looks like, seeing as no one in the universe has ever actually seen one,” which is probably what Lauren thought to herself.)

The nurse just looked at her.  "Oh, dear," she ssaid," You must have hit your head harder then I thought."  (Which exactly the right reaction to this sort of outburst.)

"I didn't hit my head! Well, I did, but I'm fine now!  (Way to eliminate what little credibility you still had left, Lauren.) Why is there even a nurse in here.  I don't need one," said Lauren angerly.  "I'm not here for you," said the nurse, pointing to a patient.  Lauren saw that her room mate was Colby.  (I thought Colby was Kris’s roommate.  I guess the staff at this hospital has figured out that it’s better to keep patients who can’t have visitors out of the rooms of patients who can.  They have not, however, figured out that they should not room men and women together.)  "Colby!,"  said Lauren.  "I'm going to get a doctor for your head," said the nurse.

            As she started to walk out of the room the demon came in.  It cut the nurses throat and in 3 swift movements made a mark on her face before she fell to the ground.  (That was sudden and unexpected, which was not the way I did things back in the day.  Usually, one had to endure a lot of heavy-handed foreshadowing before such a thing happened.  I was probably getting bored with this story.) "Aagggggghhhh!," screamed Lauren as the demon knocked her into the corner. 

It went to Colby.  "Help me Lauren! Help-aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!," he said as the demon opened a box and sucked out his soul.  Lauren got to her feet.  She ran out of the room while the demon made the marks on Colby's back.  (So the demon turned Colby around, exposed his back, and begin cutting symbols into it before Lauren left the room.  Way to eff your hope of escape, Lauren.  Also, why did the demon kill the nurse but take Colby’s soul?  Does the demon of some sort of soul-screening process?  Perhaps its victims have be complete and utter morons…but he did take the soul of arguably the smartest person in town, Lily, so who knows?)  Lauren ran down the hallway.  The demon didn't waste anytime with the markings because in the next minute it was chasing Lauren.  "Help! Someone please help me!," she said.  She ran into a room with about 4 people in it.  Lauren saw that these people were the lasting sleep victims: Kris, Lily, River and Salem.  (Well, isn’t that convenient?)  Lauren closed the door.  The demon banged on it, but Lauren wasn't afraid because she locked it.  (Oh come on!  There’s a demon with supernatural ability after you!  It can fly for God’s sake!  What makes you think a locked door’s gonna keep it out?)  But she should have been afraid.  The demon knocked the door over.  It landed on Lauren and pinned her to ground.  The demon oped the box and sucked out Lauren's soul.  Then it pushed the door off of her and started to make the markings.

Okay, so that’s it for this entry.  This story is almost over, which means there will be just one more entry.  Does Faith stop the demon (considering her lack of intelligence, it’s unlikely)?  Does the demon steal anymore souls?  Why does the demon even need the souls?  More importantly, of all the idiots in this town, why is the demon stalking a bunch of teenagers who do things like examine mysterious corpses, climb onto roofs instead of jumping to relative safety, and avoid running down said demon with a car before crashing into a single tree on the side of the road?  Actually, I think I just answered my own question:  because these people are incredibly easy targets.  This town doesn’t stand a chance.

Next time:  Faith earns the title of Worst Babysitter Ever (as if she hasn’t already), the demon enacts its evil plan, and we’ll learn just how easy it is to locate a Satan-worshiping cult.

Reasons to Never Shower in a Horror Story

Chapter Six

December 3rd

7:25 PM

            Faith looked at the Andrews' house.  (I thought Faith was babysitting the Andrews children and that Lily was babysitting the Lester children.  So, either A) this is a typo of B) Faith is the worst babysitter ever.  Considering what’s already happened in this story, both are possible)  An ambulance was there.  So was a police car.  Faith went over after putting the girls to bed to see what happened (so it was a typo, but now Faith is also the worst babysitter ever), but she knew she would find Lily in the lasting sleep when she got there.  (Which is why it makes perfect sense to leave the children alone when there’s a soul-stealing fiend wandering the neighborhood.)

***

December 4th

8:45 AM

            River was watching the news.  "And in breaking news," said Brenda the anchor of the show, "Lily Thompson was found last night, another victim of the 'lasting sleep'.  She was friends with the first victim, Kris Carlson.  The police have said that they have a very strong reason to believe that this is being done by a person, not by nature (I thought it was pretty obvious that this wasn’t natural, considering the condition DOESN’T EXIST!  Also, there’s the fact that a dead body was found in Kris’s yard the night she was attacked, which we’ve already established.  Clearly, the stupidity epidemic in this town is not limited to every living creature directly involved in Faith’s life.), because of the state that Lily was found in. (Again, as opposed to the state Kris was found in)"  Oh my gosh!, thought River.  Poor Faith!

***

December 4th

12:17 PM

            Faith and Salem were at school, eating lunch.  "I can't believe this.  Our group is dwindleing down one by one," said Salem.  (I guess Salem is filling void left by Lily and Kris and decided to start speaking more than six words a day.  Look, he’s not even combining words anymore!)  "I know," Faith said. 

That's when Lauren came to them.  "Well, the whole talk of the school is which one of you will be next.  I'm even taking a poll.," she said. (Whoa, that’s mean.  River looks like the epitome of kindness and understanding next to you, Lauren.)  Faith got out of controll.  She swung at Lauren.  Lauren ducked, then laughed.  (If this is any indication of Faith’s fighting ability, then she’s doomed when the inevitable fight against the demon arrives.)  Your friend is a better fighter then you!," she said. (That’s a low blow, Lauren, even for the school bitch.  By the way, the character of Lauren is based on Cordelia Chase from Buffy, but Lauren is a much bigger pain.  That being said, Lauren is actually one of my favorite characters.  I like that she actually has a personality, albeit an acidic, malicious one.) 

"Errrrrrrrr! You stupid-" Faith lunged.  (Again with the omission of swear words.  At this point in my writing I wasn’t yet comfortable including swear words in my stories.  Not only were my parents going to read this, but also people from church.  Though, I’m guessing the latter group didn’t like the whole “demon stealing souls to raise Satan” plot, either…you know, the entire story.)  Salem had to hold her back.  "I'm just glad I'm not in your group!," said Lauren, who walked away, laughing.  "It's not worth it," said Salem.

***

December 4th

8:20 PM

            "We can't keep sneaking around like this," said Lauren.  "I know," said Salem.  They were at the town's finest resturant, Chez Pierre.  (A couple things:  First, this is the big story arc for Salem I hinted at earlier.  This is total plagiarism of the whole Cordelia-Xander romance from Buffy seasons 2 and 3.  Secondly, I stole the name “Chez Pierre” from Hey Arnold! a fact of which I am very grateful, since it means the ridiculous name wasn’t a product of my imagination.)  Lauren and Salem had been dating behind their friends' backs for about 2 months. 

"Back to our conversation," Salem said.  (So Lauren just randomly interrupted the conversation to say “We can’t keep sneaking around like this?”  The answer is “yes,” for this was my hasty way of showing that Lauren and Salem’s relationship was a secret.)  "Well, you think that Faith is hiding something about Lily?," she asked.  "Not Lily."  "Kris?"  "No, Colby."  "But," said Lauren,"Colby isn't in the lasting sleep," she said.  "Well, I think it might be him next," said Salem.  "Why?"  "I don't know," said Salem,"I don't know, I just have this feeling."  (No, Salem doesn’t have psychic abilities either, which is evidenced by the following events.  If there is an opposite of precognitive powers, such as the lack of any sort of thinking ability whatsoever, Salem has that.)  

But Salem was wrong about Colby.  He was wrong about being in the resturant.  Lauren was also wrong for being there.  And Faith was wrong for babysitting the Andrews children, Maryn and Drew.  Because no one was there to protect the next victim.  (I forgot that Salem wasn’t next.  Still, it wasn’t Colby.  Basically, the character who’s about to lose his soul was a favorite of mine, and I was preparing to dump a load of guilt on my other characters.)

***

December 4th

9:17 PM

            River was home.  He was enjoyong a good night of T.V.  But he wasn't watching cartoons, or anything like that.  He was watching the news.  (I’m trying to establish that he’s mature.  ‘Cause, you know, most insensitive thieves are.)  He was feeling so bad about his sister and her friends, that he had to watch the news to see if they were okay.  (Umm, River…if you’re hearing about them on the news, it will be because they’re not okay.  Perhaps you should pick up a phone or something.) Why was he such a saint?  (Ugh…maybe you and Lauren should have gotten together?)  But more importantly, why wasn't Faith and Salem but under protection?  (That’s should say, “put under protection”, and that’s a much more reasonable question.)  Couldn't they see the disturbing trend.  All the victims were friends.  First Kris, now Lily.  Who was next?

            You know, River has a point.  As I mentioned earlier, the policemen in my stories are usually very incompetent.  In the real world, the police would have done something about this long before now.  In the fictitious world of this story, the fates of Faith, Colby, Lauren, and Salem seem to lie in the hands of a 14-year-old jerk.

            When the news proved fruitless (I don’t think fruitless is the correct word…I’d deem the news watching a success, since it showed that no one else has been attacked yet), he decided to go online to try and hack into the hospital files. "Lets see," he said as he used his superb hacking skills (skills that I’m sure weren’t possible back when I wrote this…or maybe even now.)  For hours River tried to get into the file, but it was very heavily guarded.  He decided to give up.   He decided to go take a shower.  (And now, some wise words from the sage Sarah Darling [Jenny McCarthy] of Scream 3:  “My [friends were] just [attacked].  Why am I showering?”  The answer:  “Because you are a fool.”) 

            River was turning the water on when he remembered that he forgot to turn the computer off.  He went downstairs before he got undressed and saw that a screen he had never seen before was on the computer monitor.  (It seems computers portend tragic events for the characters who use them.)  It was the hospital's file for Kris and Lily.  He saw the reports made by the doctors.  He also saw pictures of the marks on their backs.  Evil, cultlike marks.  How did this get on here?, he thought.  (I guess Lily’s intelligence is not a common trait in this town.  She should have been the mayor or something.  Seriously, River, get the eff out of there!)  He hadn't been able to hack into the files.  "Who did this?," he said out loud.  (Don’t ask a question unless you want an answer…in fact, don’t ask a question when you’re the only one in the room.)

Obviously, since River thought he was home alone, he was surprised to hear a deep voice say"It was me."  River turned around in horror just as someone shoved a knife through his leg.  "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" 

Side note:  I remember typing this part while sitting at a computer desk in the dark at night.  I immediately got very scared and then promptly turned on every light in the house to deter any demons who might want to attack me while I was home alone.

River saw the face of his attacker.  It was demonlike.  River thought he had never seen anything so hideous.  The demon took his knife from River's leg and stabbed his arm.  River didn't bother screaming.  (Umm, screaming would have been an involuntary reaction for most humans.)  He took the knife from his arm and stabbed the demon.  The demon fell to the ground.  River limped to the stairs, holdindg his right leg.  He carefully stepped over the demon.  The demon grabbed River's leg, who feel to his stomach  (This is supposed to say “fell to his stomach,” which makes much more sense). 

The demon opened a box part way.  River kicked it and got to his feet.  He limped to the stairs and climbed up them.  He went to the bathroom, which is the only door with a lock on it.  He tried to lock the demon out, but the demon was too quick. It ran in and pushed River into the mirror.  It broke in a brilliant display of glass.  (This was a common occurrence in my stories:  someone tries to lock someone else out of a room, fails, and is pushed into a mirror/window.  It even happened in my sequel to Jurassic Park…yes, I wrote a sequel.  No, it was not good.) 

Luckily only about 20 pieces of very small glass stuck in River, none of them big.  (How River knows just how many shards of glass are in his back is a mystery, as is how this is a “lucky” experience.)  He got to his feet and grabbed a shampoo bottle.  He swung it.  It hit the demon in the face, who then fell into the hall way.  (Okay, so let me get this straight:  River failed to fight off the demon with a knife, but a shampoo bottle gets the job done?  Perhaps shampoo is this demon’s kryptonite...)  River pushed the door closed and locked it.  His hands were so trembly that he dropped the key.  (Yeah, this is unbelievable.  I’d have been holding that key so tightly that it would have been fused to my hand by now.)  It landed by the crack under the door.  Suddenly it seemed to be sucked under the door by a vaccum, but River heard nothing so he knew some other force was pulling it.  (Yes, the lack of a “vacuum-like” noise is what tips him off, not the fact that there’s A SOUL-SUCKING DEMON ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR!)  He didn't hesitate.              As the demon tried to unlock the door with the rusty key, River was climbing into the shower, where the water was still running, then to the window.  (I want to say there was a reason for the shower being on, other than the fact that River needed to be elsewhere when the demon accessed the files on the computer, but I don’t think there is.)  He opened it and, since didn't want to jump, he climbed to the roof.  (Yes, because it will be much easier to escape the demon on the roof than on the ground.)  He sat above the window, then heard the bathroom door open.  (Just to recap:  first, River did not jump to relative safety but instead climbed onto the vertigo-inducing roof, from which there is no escape.  Second, River doesn’t even go to the other side of the roof.  Seriously, I have no sympathy for you, River.  You deserve to have your soul sucked out.)

There was silence.  He couldn't hear the water in the shower runnig any more.  He knew the demon was standing in the shower.  (Ahh, so there is a reason for the shower to be on…I don’t give my young self enough credit.)  In one swift movement, the demon flew through the window and landed on the roof.  River was so startled that he slid down the roof and fell off.  He was now hanging from the roof.  The demon raised its knife.  It brought it down to River's hands, but he let go of the roof just in time.  "Aaaaaahhhh!," he screamed as he fell through the air.  He landed on the ground with a thud.  "There goes a rib," he said as he strugled to his feet.  (Yes, as well as about 900,000 brain-cells…oh wait, those were already gone.  Actually, I have no idea if 900,000 is an accurate enough number.) 

Okay, I’m starting to think I didn’t establish this at all.  It’s raining during this part, which is supposed makes River’s big scene much more exciting, supposed being the operative word.

He started to cross the street to the neighbor's house.  When he was in the middle of the road the demon flew to him and knocked him over.  They rolled down a hill.  When they stopped rolling they were in a new street.  The demon opened the box as a car came over a hill about a mile away.  River could feel his soul being sucked away.  (Yeah, I guess the feeling of having one’s soul sucked away is very pronounced and recognizable.)


     So, River's gone now, and I only have one thing to say:  good riddance.  Seriously, why did you climb onto the roof, you dumbass?!?!?  I just don't get it.  I'd much rather jump a couple stories and try to escape instead of hiding on a rain-soaked roof.  I am glad you are gone...now, if only the demon would wipe out the rest of the town.

            Next time:  The demon strikes again, someone is actually murdered, and we learn the importance of wearing seat belts (and not planting trees on busy street corners).

Why Children = Death

Welcome back to another riveting installment of "The Babysitter." For those of you new to this blog, I'm using the phrase "riveting" loosely. Terms like "contrived, nonsensical, and idiocy-filled" would all be more appropriate adjectives. However, after this post I will no longer be using the word "babysitter" loosely, because some babysitting is finally about to happen. Unfortunately, it doesn't end well.

Chapter Three

December 3rd

8:41 AM

"Riiiingggggg!" went the telephone. "Hello?," said Faith. She was getting ready for school. "It's Lily. Turn on the news." Faith turned on the news. (How does Faith know which news program to turn on? Maybe she’s the one with precognitive powers?) "Once again, the young girl found in the woods is not dead. She is in, what doctors are calling, 'lasting sleep'." Faith felt as though she would throw up. (Why does Faith automatically assume that the girl is someone she knows? And if she does, then shouldn’t she just assume it’s Kris? She has no other friends besides Lily, who’s clearly fine, and Salem, who lacks the anatomy required to be “the girl found in the woods”…as far as we know.)

"Who was the young girl?," she asked. (Seriously, Faith?) Lily was silent. That's when River came down. "Hey stupid," he said, "did you hear about Kris?" (I hate how insensitive River is here. It’s actually surprising because he turns out to be very understanding and compassionate…or he was supposed to, anyways.)

***

December 3rd

9:45 AM

"I can't believe this happened. How's your sister taking it?," Lauren asked. (I don’t know why Lauren thinks it’s okay to just casually call the girl who is supposedly her “arch nemesis.” Maybe it’s because they “used to be friends?” Speaking of which, I don’t know why Faith and Lauren had their falling out. Perhaps Lauren realized what a drama queen Faith is, and maybe Faith doesn’t want to be friends with Miss Worst Comeback Ever?)

"Well lets see. One of her best friends is found in some sort of coma, she just stabbed her boyfriend, and now she has to babysit two awful kids tonight. How would you take it?," said River. (I like that River is being so rude and sarcastic to Lauren. It almost makes up for his previous insensitivity.)

Lauren gave him a look of disaproval. (Okay, I guess Lauren didn’t call Faith…but where are they? Are they at school? The story isn’t clear. What a surprise.) "Your just like your sister," she said and walked away. River couldn't stand Lauren. Faith was always telling him stuff about how Lauren was such a prep and how she thought she was so cool. (Does anyone remember back in the day when “prep” was supposed to be an insulting term for those kids who dressed well and were popular? Yeah, it doesn’t hold much weight now that I’m not jealous of them anymore. Also, is this the explanation about why Faith and Lauren are enemies now? I’d have thought something more intense (and interesting) would have happened. I mean, they’re not even frenemies, so it sounded more serious)

She also said stuff about how she was really mean, but River didn't see any of it first hand untill he started going to the high school last September. (Way to be specific, River. I like how I blame my characters for my lack of detail.) He didn't really hate his sister, he just argued with her a lot. (Oh, so that explains the insensitivity. You’re off the hook, River. Not.) In fact, he was even going with her to the hospital today to visit Colby. He didn't like Colby either and he didn't think that his sister did. Not really. She says she does but River knew she's lieing. (Wait a second, Faith doesn’t like Colby? Where’d that come from? I don’t think I expound on this further, and now it’s going to bother me.)

***

December 3rd

10:03 AM

"It doesn't feel the same without Kris," said Faith. She and Lily and Salem were sitting in the court yard of their school. (Since my story lacks any sort of detail at all, the courtyard was supposed to resemble the courtyard from Buffy. Also, in case you care, Faith was supposed to look like Eliza Dushku, who played Faith on the show, and Lily was supposed to look like an adult Soleil Moon Frye. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know.) "I know," said Salem. "It doesn't make any sense," Lily said. "I mean, how come no one has never heard of this so called 'Lasting Sleep'?" (Maybe because you’re in a horror story? Also, that double negative is driving me crazy.)

"I don't know," Salem answered. (I think Salem has said a whole seven words in this story so far. He does actually have a story arc coming up, but it’s not very exciting.) "Yeah, and what about that guy they found in her garden," Faith said. (Obviously, something strange is going on. Kris has some weird ailment and they found a corpse in her yard the same night she was attacked. What’s so hard to understand?)

They were silent. (Probably marveling at their own stupidity.) "You nkow what I heard," Salem said. "I heard that they think that Kris was in a cult." "Why?," asked Faith. "Didn't you hear? There were strange markings on here back. Supposedly very cultlike markings," said Lily. (Okay, I highly doubt that this sort of information would be released to the public. Also, I think the police would be able to tell that the markings had been done after she had been attacked, which would point to gang or cult-related initiation ceremonies as opposed to Kris herself being in a cult. But then again, the police are usually dumb as shit in my stories so that the characters have to rely on themselves. And because I can’t write a very convincing police officer.)

"Lets changesubject said Salem. (I guess Salem’s worried about his word usage. He probably doesn’t want to say too many words, so he’s started combining them.) "I think we all need a little fun in our lives. How bout we do somethnig tonight," he said. (I’m beginning to think that Salem has a very lonely home life, seeing as how he never wants to be there. First the Pizza Shack invite and now this.) "Can't," said Lily. "I have to do my detention tonight, then I have to babysit the triplets: Leslie, Mandy, and Clark." (Oh dear Lord, just the thought of triplets makes me cringe. Evil has no truer form. Detention plus babysitting evil would equal the worst day of my life. Be strong, Lily.) "Your babysitting the Lester twins? (I thought they were triplets?) I'm babysitting the two Andrews children: Maryn and Drew," said Faith. "After I visit Colby in the hospital."

"You don't sound to happy about that," Salem said. "No I am, it's just, oh never mind," said Faith. "Tell us," Lily said.

"Well , he's different." "Different how?," asked Lily and Salem. ".... well, um,...Oh! Look at the time! I gotta get to class! Bye!," said Faith, and with that she sprinted off. "She's hiding something," Lily said. (Again with the obviousness. You people are idiots.)

Chapter Four

December 3rd

4:15 PM

"Maybe we can visit Kris while we are here," River said. "No, they aren't letting her have any visitors," Faith said. (I’m not sure why Kris isn’t allowed to have visitors. It’s probably because I didn’t want to go through the trouble of describing what this “lasting sleep” was like.)

They were at the hospital (I think we’ve established this already), walking to Colby's room. When they got there, he looked pleased to see them. "Hey," he said weakly. "Hey," said Faith, tears welling in her eyes. "River, go get something to drink, I have to talk to Colby alone."

"I don't have any money," he said. "Here, take this," she said hand ing him a bill out of her pocket. "I don't think $20 is going to be enough," said River (Okay, this is where I draw the line, River. I mean, you’re sister is clearly unbalanced, and you’re taking advantage. Maybe you have some sort of disorder? Sometimes you’re very empathetic and caring, and sometimes you steal).

"Here take this," she said, handnig him another $20. (River is the worst brother in the entire world. I remember writing this and thinking it was funny. Now I just think it’s mean.) When he was out of earshot, Faith started to talk. "Colby, we need ttalk about what happened the other night."

"I don't remember much. Actually," Colby said," it felt like something was controlling me. I remember being angry that you didn't show up at my house. I sat down with a bottle of wine from my parents cabinet down stairs. Suddenly I felt this power surging inside me, like something had entered my body. I couldn't controll my actions. I threw my bottle of wine, and that's the last I remember." (For not remembering much, you sure have very specific memories, Colby.)

"Colby," said Faith,"do you believe that demons exist?" "Why," he asked. (Umm, let’s see: you just got done saying that you felt like something was controlling you, which is another way of describing possession, you idiot! Seriously, there must be something in the water in this fictional town, because this story is populated by utter morons.) "Because, right after I stabbed you, your face turned demon like. Then, they found a dead guy in Kris's garden, and they found her in the woods behind her neighbor's house. She is in what the doctors are calling 'the lasting sleep'. She doesn't move, she doesn't talk, she doesn't even blink, she just sits there."

"I know," said Colby. "How?" "Look," he said. Colby pullrd away the curtain next to his bed. There lay Kris, motionless. "What's going on?," asked River as he came into the room.

Wait just a second! First of all, I thought Kris wasn’t allowed to have visitors. If that were the case, why would she be sharing a room with someone who was allowed to have visitors? And secondly, what the eff kind of hospital lets a girl and a guy share a room? I’m not sure if that’s illegal, but it’s certainly unethical.

December 3rd

6:29 PM

Lily knocked on the Lester's door. Mandy answered in. "Lily!," she said. Mandy was by far the nicest of the three triplets. "Oh, Lily," said Mr. Lester,"6:30 sharp, right on time as usual," he said pleasantly (which is code for “Oh, thank the Lord you’re here! These three demonic children are going to be the death of me, and if I don’t get out of this house soon I am probably going to become a mass murderer and kill them all!). "Hon, we better get goin," said Mrs. Lester. (Umm, Mrs. Lester, your husband is waiting by the door, masking his complete and total exasperation with forced friendliness. Do you not see him? He’s probably been ready for hours.) "See ya Lily."

When they were gone, Leslie and Clark came downstairs. Lily wasn't looking forward to this night. (Imagine that.) Clark and Leslie weren't nearly as pleasent as Mandy. (It seems I had trouble spelling the word “pleasant”…as well as half of the English language.)

***

December 3rd

6:50PM

"Maryn, stop it! Leave your sister alone! That's it Drew, hit her back, I mean no Drew, don't do that!," Faith hollered. (No, Faith, I think that is exactly the right response…reason #1 why I should never have children.) She had only been babysitting for 10 mniutes and all ready the girls were getting out of hand. "I don't have to! Your not my mom!"aid Maryn "Well I'm you babysitter so you will listen to me untill your mom gets home," Faith yelled at her. (This actually happened to me years later while babysitting a little kid from my church. Thankfully, he wasn’t as bad as Maryn, who’s campaigning against the Lester triplets, minus Mandy, for pint-sized horror of the century.) Drew was busy looking out the window when she saw him, her, it (in case you didn’t know that this is supposed to be the demon), out side the house next door. The Lester's house.

Okay, confession time: I actually stole some of this from Halloween, which I saw at an inappropriately young age (I also saw The Exorcist around this time…and they’re both very overrated). I really only “borrowed” the idea of the babysitters getting stalked while, what else, babysitting, and the fact that aforementioned babysitters were babysitting children who lived near each other. So, I’m not sure if that counts as plagiarism (though God knows I’ve done that a few times back in the day…I’m talking entire stories lifted from novels and movies. Good thing I never tried to have them published).

Chapter Five

December 3rd

7:01 PM

"You kids! Put that rope down! Ow! That hurt you little!," (Little what? Just say it, Lily. It would make the story more interesting…and more realistic.) Lily was losing her patience (Which, considering the circumstances, shows remarkable self-control on Lily’s part…those kids would probably already be dead if I were there…reason #2 I’m never having children). Leslie and Clark had locked Mandy in the closet and were trying to tie Lily up. Lily knew she would win. She always did. The two evil siblings always did this when Lily babysat and they always were sent to their room afterword. (I have to ask, Lily: if they do this every time, then why in the world do you continue babysitting them? No amount of money is worth this torment.) Lily finally grabbed both the kids by their ears "Bed time!," she said in triumph. "But it's only seven!," said Leslie. "Oh well!," said Lily tauntingly.

This is actually based on a real babysitting story my mom told me. She babysat for this family once when she was 13, and the two children tied her up and put her in the closet. No, I’m not making this up…I didn’t think stuff like that happened in real life either. Needless to say, she never babysat for them again. Lily must be the most patient person alive.

As soon as she got them to bed she went and unlocked Mandy from the closet. "Thanks Lily," said Mandy. "No problem," said Lily. It was another ten minutes before Mandy looked out of the window. "Look!Ü¥e_#À (Okay, this is where part of the story gets messed up. Basically, Mandy sees the demon outside, thinks it’s her father, and then proceeds to cause a chain of events that result in…well, you’ll just have to wait and see.)

it the next instance she said,"I'm going to get Daddy!" Lily yelled,"No, Mandy! That's not your daddy!" "It's not?," asked Mandy (I have no idea why Mandy’s assumed that the shadowy figure outside is her father…he’s made no indication that he is, nor does he resemble him). "No! go to your room and lock the door! Hurry!," screamed Lily. (It’s about damn time that someone in this story did something intelligent. That’s actually exactly what I would do.) Mandy did as she was told.

Suddenly the phone rang. With trembling hands Lily picked up the phone. "He, he, hello?," she said. Lily heard a crash in the sitting room. She ran there but stopped at the corner. (Good thing you stopped, Lily. You were dangerously close to me revoking the praise I gave you in the last paragraph.) Lily peered around it and saw that someone had thrown a chair through the patio doors. (This part is stolen from Scream. I told you I’ve plagiarized a fair number of times in my day.) That someone was climbing through the new entrance.Lily sped back to the window. The demon wasn't there any more, but Lily could guess where it was now. In the sitting room.

Lily ran to the kitchen. (Again with the intelligence. Sure, she should have called the police by now, but at least she’s not outside investigating dead bodies or something equally moronic, which is more than I can say for some people.) The went to grab a knife out of the drowe (otherwise known as a drawer). Her trembling knocked the cabinet over. All the knives fell to the ground, along with all the other utensils. She stuggled to get the sharpest knife out of the dwore. The demon must have heard all the racket because it was now in the kitchen. The demon grabbed her. It opened a box (Uh oh! Soul suck alert!)

Lily stabbed the demon before he got it all the way open. (Yeah Lily! In one chapter you’ve become the most exciting and interesting character in the story. Naturally, that means your time is up, since this story is a Cory original.) It pushed her against the wall. It held her there with one hand and waved his hand with the other. Three knives floated off the ground. One went into Lily's right hand, the other went into the the other two went into her feet. "Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!," she screamed in pain. The demon then took his own knife and stabbed it into her other hand. "Aaaaaaahhh!," she screamed again. The demon opened the box again. Lily could literally feel her soul being absorbed. (This scene is seriously disturbing. Sometimes I wonder how close I was to becoming a serial killer back in the day. I’m kidding, don’t worry. Still, I’m curious what a soul being absorbed feels like, and how Lily, who is in a state of severe distress, is able to recognize the feeling and think, “Hmm, I guess this demon is after souls.”)

When Lily's head slumped down, he took his knife, but left the other one's there. It wasn't till 10 minutes later that she was found by Mrs. Lester.

Wait, why are the Lesters home already? They just left around 6:30ish. I know the reason wasn't that they weren’t missing their children horribly and thus decided to come home early. Anyways, so long, Lily. I enjoyed your sudden burst of intellect here at the end of your story arc. Let’s hope your idiot friends find a way to literally save your soul. It’s not likely, but we can dream.

And so we've come to the end of another installment, one that contained actual babysitting. I never realized it until now, but I must have hated children even back when I was one. Most of the kids in this story are horrible and mean, and I think I must have had an unconscious dislike for them back in the day, too. Anyways, I'm going to miss Lily. Who else actually stands a chance to save the town from this demon?

Next time:  we'll get more soul-sucking, more moronic behavior, more implausible and contrived plot points, and there will even be a shower scene! Well, sort of. Don't get too excited.